A Troublesome Flock: A Mother Goose Play for Children

The Project Gutenberg EBook of A Troublesome Flock, by Elizabeth F. Guptill This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license Title: A Troublesome Flock A Mother Goose Play for Children Author: Elizabeth F. Guptill Release Date: January 12, 2018 [EBook #56362] Language: English Character set encoding: UTF-8 *** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK A TROUBLESOME FLOCK *** Produced by Emmy, Paul Marshall, MFR and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive) Transcriber's Notes: Underscores "_" before and after a word or phrase indicate _italics_ in the original text. Equal signs "=" before and after a word or phrase indicate =bold= in the original text. Small capitals have been converted to SOLID capitals. Old or antiquated spellings have been preserved. Typographical errors have been silently corrected but other variations in spelling and punctuation remain unaltered. NO PLAYS EXCHANGED. BAKER’S EDITION OF PLAYS A Troublesome Flock Price, 25 cents [Illustration: COMEDY TRAGEDY] WALTER H. BAKER & CO. BOSTON A. W. Pinero’s Plays Price, 50 Cents Each =THE AMAZONS= Farce in Three Acts. Seven males, five females. Costumes, modern; scenery, not difficult. Plays a full evening. =THE CABINET MINISTER= Farce in Four Acts. Ten males, nine females. Costumes, modern society; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. =DANDY DICK= Farce in Three Acts. Seven males, four females. Costumes, modern; scenery, two interiors. Plays two hours and a half. =THE GAY LORD QUEX= Comedy in Four Acts. Four males, ten females. Costumes, modern; scenery, two interiors and an exterior. Plays a full evening. =HIS HOUSE IN ORDER= Comedy in Four Acts. Nine males, four females. Costumes, modern; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. =THE HOBBY HORSE= Comedy in Three Acts. Ten males, five females. Costumes, modern; scenery easy. Plays two hours and a half. =IRIS= Drama in Five Acts. Seven males, seven females. Costumes, modern; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. =LADY BOUNTIFUL= Play in Four Acts. Eight males, seven females. Costumes, modern; scenery, four interiors, not easy. Plays a full evening. =LETTY= Drama in Four Acts and an Epilogue. Ten males, five females. Costumes, modern; scenery complicated. Plays a full evening. =THE MAGISTRATE= Farce in Three Acts. Twelve males, four females. Costumes, modern; scenery, all interior. Plays two hours and a half. Sent prepaid on receipt of price by _Walter H. Baker & Company_ No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts A Troublesome Flock A Mother Goose Play for Children By ELIZABETH F. GUPTILL BOSTON WALTER H. BAKER & CO. 1916 A Troublesome Flock CHARACTERS OLD MOTHER GOOSE. THE OLD WOMAN THAT LIVED IN A SHOE. OLD MOTHER HUBBARD. THE BACHELOR’S WIFE. CONTRARY MARY. MILK MAID. CURLY LOCKS. DINGTY DIDDLETY. CROSS PATCH. BETTY BLUE. JILL. BO PEEP. MISS MUFFETT. ROCK-A-BYE-BABY. BABY BUNTING. BACHELOR. JACK. TOMMY TUCKER. GEORGIE PORGIE. BOY BLUE. HUMPTY DUMPTY. JACK HORNER. SIMPLE SIMON. TOM, THE PIPER’S SON. WILLIE WINKIE. NOTE Twenty-five characters—ten boys and fifteen girls—are called for but the entertainment can be given by a smaller number by eliminating some parts. The play is so arranged that this can be easily done. No special setting is required. It can be given in any hall or schoolroom. TIME—About forty-five minutes. [Illustration] COPYRIGHT, 1916, by WALTER H. BAKER & CO. COSTUMES These directions are for those who wish special costumes. These are picturesque and pretty, but not essential. If you do not wish to go to the trouble of making costumes, many of the children may wear their own school suits, being distinguished by what they carry—Bo Peep by her crook, Boy Blue by his horn, etc. Of course, those impersonating the old women must have long dresses. OLD MOTHER GOOSE wears a quilted yellow skirt, about to her ankles, a red, pointed waist, and pannier overskirt, also of red. The waist has a chemisette of white. Her shoes are high-heeled, low cut black shoes, with large silver buckles and red heels. Her stockings are red. Her hair is powdered, and combed in any old-fashioned way. Her hat is a tall, pointed one, of black, with a red band. She may have her knitting. THE OLD WOMAN, who lived in a shoe, wears a rusty black dress, made with a straight, full skirt and a basque. She has a white apron and kerchief, old-fashioned square bowed glasses (the frames only, of course), and a white cap, the strings hanging down on either side. Her powdered hair hangs in little curls on each side of her face. She carries a large shoe, cut from pasteboard, and covered with black, which is full to overflowing with dolls. She also has a bunch of switches. OLD MOTHER HUBBARD wears a red skirt, an old-fashioned “polonaise” of some flowered material (large figures), a bib apron, a white kerchief, and either an old-fashioned bonnet, or a ruffled cap. In either case, the strings are tied primly beneath her chin. She might carry a bone. She has black mitts. THE BACHELOR’S WIFE wears a hoop skirt, and a white dress, the skirt of which is covered with ruffles. The waist may be made in any way that goes well with the skirt. She has a white shawl, white mitts, and a white bonnet trimmed with pink ribbon and rosebuds. This must be bent and soiled by her fall. Her dress must have a mud-stain or two, and be rather rumpled. She carries a satchel or carpet bag. CONTRARY MARY wears a dress of some large-flowered goods. The waist is very short and full, the skirt is straight, and very full, after the Greenaway style, and ends about half-way between her knees and ankles. It has a low round neck, and short puffed sleeves. She wears a long string of shells and beads, of different styles and colors, strung anyhow. She has a ruffled white apron, which she wears behind, tied in a large bow in front. On one foot is a white shoe and black stocking, on the other a black shoe and white stocking. On one hand is a long black mitt, on the other, a tan glove. She has a cap on, with the visor behind. One side of her hair is in curls, the other in a braid. She may carry a watering pot. THE MILK MAID wears a dress of pink print or gingham, with the neck cut in a narrow, deep square outline, and edged with a narrow white frill. She has a white bib apron. Her sleeves are rolled above her elbows, and her dress and apron are folded smoothly up and pinned to display a green striped petticoat. She wears white stockings, low black shoes, a coquettish little white sunbonnet, and carries a three- legged milking-stool and a dented pail. CURLY LOCKS has a white ruffled dress, a pink sash and shoulder ribbons, pink stockings, white shoes, and carries a pink sofa cushion to sit on. She may also have a thimble. DINGTY DIDDLETY wears a hoop-skirt, and a dress of some material with very large figures. It has a straight, full skirt, gathered on to a plain waist with very full bishop sleeves, gathered into a narrow wristband, which fastens with one button. She has a round collar of lace or linen. At her left side hangs a large outside pocket, or bag. Her hair is parted, combed smoothly down on each side to hide the ears, and gathered into a knot low in the neck. Pin the collar with a large round or oval brooch. Her sleeves and pocket are filled with “gombobbles.” These are made by covering balls of wadding or crumpled tissue paper with orange-colored crepe paper. The “gombobbles” should be the size of small oranges, somewhat flatter. Have as many as her sleeves and pocket will hold. CROSS PATCH wears a short-sleeved red dress, and a full gathered pinafore of red and white print, made after the fashion of the pinafores so commonly worn in England. She wears a sunbonnet of red and white checked gingham, which she takes off, and swings crossly, occasionally. Sometimes she pulls up her apron, and sulks into that. BETTY BLUE wears an Empire dress of blue, blue stockings, and white shoes. A blue ribbon passes around the very short waist of her dress, and is tied at the left side of the front in four short loops and two long ends which fall to the hem of the skirt. The elbow sleeves are tied around with blue ribbons, as is her hair. She may wear a large hat of shirred blue mull, or no hat, as preferred. When she enters, one shoe is missing. JILL wears a gingham dress, with a long-sleeved print “tier.” One elbow of this is noticeably patched, the other has a good-sized hole. The tier is trimmed at neck, wrists and bottom with ruffles of the print, which are torn and dangling here and there. It has ties, one of which is ripped off, but hangs with the other in a limp, stringy bow. The back is decorated with a large grass stain; the front by an earth stain and a “barn-door” tear. Her hair hangs loose and tumbled, with no hair ribbon. Her feet are bare. If for any reason the bare feet are not liked, her shoes must be well worn, and her stockings torn. A torn petticoat should show a bit. BO PEEP wears a short, quilted skirt of blue, with a waist and overskirt of white, flowered with blue. The low, square neck, full elbow sleeves, and overskirt are edged with frills of the goods. The overskirt is looped up over the quilted skirt with blue ribbon bows. She has a large leghorn “flat,” trimmed with forget-me-nots or daisies, tied down, gipsy fashion, with blue ribbon. She carries a long crook, covered with silver paper, with a large blue bow tied just below the crooked part. MISS MUFFETT wears a pink dress, with a thin white overdress, with low, round neck and elbow sleeves. The neck, sleeves and bottom of over-slip are edged with ruffles. The slip is caught up a little to show the pink skirt. High under her arms is a broad pink sash, tied in a big bow behind. She has a full mob-cap of the white over pink, with a wired frill, and a pink ribbon passing around crown, and tied in a bow at side or front. Her stockings are pink or white, her shoes white. She carries a spoon. ROCK-A-BYE-BABY wears a short white dress with a yoke, short white socks, and slippers. Her short sleeves are tied up with ribbons of baby blue, and she may wear a broad sash of the same color. She has a white lawn baby bonnet, with broad ties. She carries a Teddy Bear. BABY BUNTING is dressed like Rock-a-bye Baby, with pale pink ribbons instead of blue. When she comes in, she wears a coat and bonnet of white bearskin, but as these are too warm to keep on long, Mother Hubbard may help her to remove them before she sits down with Rock-a-bye Baby. She carries a toy rabbit. THE BACHELOR wears an old-fashioned suit, with long coat, knee breeches, and a ruffled bosom shirt. He has white stockings, low shoes with big buckles, and a tall hat. JACK wears a checked gingham shirt, and blue overalls, which bear witness to the fact that he “has fallen into a mud-puddle, flat.” His overalls are rolled up above his knees, and his feet are bare. There should be a patch or two, also a tear, somewhere about him. A battered straw hat is on the back of his head, his hair is uncombed, and he is none too clean. He and Jill have a battered pail. Jack has it when he enters, but Jill has it part of the time, and sometimes they swing it between them. TOMMY TUCKER wears gray knickerbockers, a blue Norfolk jacket, blue stockings and cap, and gray belt. GEORGIE PORGIE wears a brown Greenaway suit, with long trousers buttoned over a short tight waist, in what used to be known as a “broadfall.” He has a white frill collar. He carries a large cloth spider by a string. BOY BLUE wears a blue sailor blouse, blue knickerbockers, a leather belt, to which his horn is fastened by a cord, and a large haymaker’s hat, with a blue band. HUMPTY DUMPTY is the fattest boy obtainable. He wears a blouse and knickerbockers of red, padded well. Pad his stockings, also, and make him look as round and fat as possible. JACK HORNER wears a gingham “tier” and white frill collar over his trousers in the fashion of little boys of thirty or forty years ago. His trousers come half-way to his ankles, but the tier stops at the knees. It has a strap across the back, and is often below the strap. SIMPLE SIMON wears a carter’s smock frock of brown jean or linen, not too clean, with long loose trousers of the same material. The frock comes to his knees. His hair is mussed. He is eating a pie, which he carries in both hands, with no plate. TOM, THE PIPER’S SON, wears a Greenaway suit of gray, with a short round jacket of dark red, and a white turn-down collar. His stockings and cap are red. He carries his pipe, a toy flute. WEE WILLIE WINKIE wears his “nightgown”—one of the sleeping garments cut with legs, in either white or colored outing flannel. This may have feet, or he may wear bed slippers. Better still, he may have his feet bare. Choose a small, mischievous boy for this part. * * * * * Impress each child with the character he is supposed to bear, and have him act it out all the time he is on the stage. The old women pronounce their words in an old-fashioned way. Mother Goose and Mother Hubbard may knit, the Old Woman tend her babies, Jack and Jill nudge and push one another, or tease others. Miss Muffett sulks, Cross Patch strikes at the boys who tease her, etc. The Bachelor occasionally tries to join some group, but is always brought back by his wife, who lectures him in pantomime. Tom Tucker is all taken up with the Milk Maid. Simon, when not eating, stares, open-mouthed, and backs away from Jack Horner, who is inclined to fight with him. Once in a while, Georgie scares one of the girls with his spider. Contrary Mary refuses to be scared, and tries to catch the spider. Occasionally she waters some one with her watering pot. All this should be in pantomime. The songs, except where otherwise stated, are sung by all on the stage, except the one they are sung _at_. The piano should not be in evidence, but just accompany the children to help them keep the tune. If given in a schoolroom with no curtain, they may all run out after the final “yell.” The tunes are easily learned by rote, in fact, many of them will be familiar to the children. They can be sung nicely without accompaniment, if given in the schoolroom. Many of the little boys’ suits worn just now are charmingly picturesque, and have a quaint, old-fashioned air, fitting them perfectly to be “Mother Goose Costumes.” A Troublesome Flock _Enter_ MOTHER GOOSE, _advances to front, drops an old-fashioned curtsey_. MOTHER GOOSE. Good-evenin’, good people. I’m sartinly pleased To see such a company out. I’m an old-fashioned critter, as old as the hills, And so are my children, no doubt. For “Auld lang syne’s” sake, you’ve invited us here Jest to see ef we be jest the same As when you were young, and fast friends with us all. Well, here _I_ be, and glad that I came. I hope that my children won’t show off too much, But there is no telling! You see, They are lively young critters, brimful of their pranks, And they’re troublesome comforts to me. When shet up in a book, they behave fairly well, But once let ’em loose, and—— Dear me What a racket! What can they be up to out there? Perhaps I had better go see. (_She starts, but the_ OLD WOMAN WHO LIVED IN A SHOE _entering, she turns back_.) Was it your young ones making that terrible noise? OLD WOMAN. No, it wasn’t. ’Twas some of your own girls and boys. My babies helped, crying a little, you see, But the poor things are hungry as hungry can be. I just wish I had that old dog by the ears, I’d pull ’em, I wager, until I fetched tears! I’d made a big kettle of broth, rich and good, When I spied Willie Winkie a-stealing my wood; And while I was chasing the mischievous tike, (Such a chase as he led me! You ne’er saw the like! He was sassy, and called names, too, over and over!) Well, while I was chasing o’ him, old dog Rover Come snooping along; and he spied out the kettle Where I’d sot it a minute, to cool and to settle, And he stuck in his nose, that’s so long and so lean, And jest gobbled away till the kettle was clean. My babies all yelled to see their bill of fare Going down that dog’s neck, but not much did he care Till I caught him, and gin him a trouncing. You bet That the greedy old critter’s hide smarts on him yet. Then I gin Mother Hubbard a piece of my mind Till she went away, snuffling. Said I was “unkind”! MOTHER GOOSE. There, do stop your jawing! Just give them some bread. I often have told you you should. A good slice of bread, spread with butter and jam, Is sure to do any child good. OLD WOMAN. I never give bread to my babies, you know! It isn’t good for them, at all. ’Twould give them the colic; and only just think If they all at once started to squall! MOTHER GOOSE. Then they must wait till milking time, it won’t be very long: One’s crying now! OLD WOMAN. I’ll spank it. MOTHER GOOSE. No, soothe it with a song. (OLD WOMAN _takes up one baby, and sings to it. Tune: No. 1._) [Illustration: Music: No. 1. BYE-LOW BABY.] OLD WOMAN (_singing_). Byelow baby, sleep like a lady, You shall have milk when the cow comes home. (_She should fuss over her babies a good deal, as the play progresses, occasionally taking up one to kiss, cuddle, or spank, as the case may be. A bang is heard, then a peal of laughter, followed by a scream._) MOTHER GOOSE. There! That’s the twins, you can tell by their noise. They make as much racket as seventeen boys! (JILL _runs in, with_ JACK _in pursuit_. MOTHER GOOSE _seizes him, and_ JILL _turns and makes faces at him_.) JACK (_struggling_). Lemme go, Mother. Just let me catch Jill. I’ll fix her! JILL. No, sonny, I don’t think you will. O Mother, you ought to have seen him fall flat In the mud-puddle. JACK. Jill was to blame, Ma, for that! JILL. I wasn’t! JACK. You was! JILL (_illustrating_). Why, you sprawled just like that! JACK. Well, you stuck out your foot. MOTHER GOOSE. That’s enough, now, of that. Have you fetched any water? JACK. A barrel or two; and we’re hungry. JILL. Oh, give us some pie, Mother, do! (_She clasps_ MOTHER GOOSE’S _waist_.) MOTHER GOOSE (_smoothing down her dress and putting back her hair_). Such a wild-looking child! Come now, listen to me! Spruce up now! Act pretty! There’s strangers here. See? Go sing for ’em, nice now, just so they will know You’re not wild critters, even if you do seem so. JACK } (_advancing, grin, fidget a bit, look at each other and_ JILL } _giggle, then bow elaborately, and sing. Tune: No. 2_). [Illustration: Music: No. 2. JACK AND JILL.] JACK AND JILL. Jack and Jill rolled down the hill And spilled their pail of water. Ma got mad and spanked the lad, And likewise little daughter. Jack did run to have some fun With Jill a-following after. Where they’re met, there’s fun, you bet, And jokes and tricks and laughter; Quarrels, too—just one or two! We spat with all our might, sir. Life’s not nice without some spice, And that is why we fight, sir. (_They turn to audience._) There! Now it’s your turn. _Enter_ BACHELOR, _followed by_ WIFE. JACK. Gee! Here comes the old Bach With his wife trotting after. JILL. Just look at that thatch! WIFE (_removing bonnet_). Look at that! I should say so! And look at my gown! Do I look like a bride that has just come from town? BACHELOR (_brushing her dress_). It will straighten out, Wifey, and look just as well As ever. Yes, better, perhaps, who can tell? WIFE. Straighten! My dear, haven’t you _any_ brain? And you’re rubbing the mud _in_! That horrible lane! OLD WOMAN. You do look a sight, dearie, yes, so you do, As if you had been in a terrible stew. Did you tumble? WIFE. He spilled me. A fine bridegroom that! JILL. Another one fell in the mud-puddle, flat. MOTHER GOOSE. But where’s the wheelbarrow? I told you, you know, To wheel her right carefully. Did you do so? BACHELOR. My bride was so heavy, the wheelbarrow broke. To wheel such a plump little wife is no joke! And she’s mad! She just scolded me right out and out, I’m afraid that her elbows are sharp. WIFE. There’s no doubt That you’ll find them so, Hubby, if you try that trick Upon me again. Now you’ll just go right quick And mend that wheelbarrow, and take me to town, And buy a new bonnet, and likewise a gown. BACHELOR. But I can’t, my dear love. I have spent all my cash On the wedding. WIFE. Oh, why was I ever so rash As to trust my new clothes to that wabbly wheelbarrow Where the lanes were all muddy and terribly narrow! JACK. Next time, little woman, just use your own feet And hold up your gown, if you want to keep neat. OLD WOMAN. Yes, Shanks’ mare is safest. I travel that way. I don’t trust my old bones to wheelbarrow or shay. WIFE. Well, as soon as he earns it, he’ll buy me a gown And a bonnet as well. There now, Hubby, don’t frown. Of course you expected to give me your cash, Or else why get married? BACHELOR. Oh, dear! I was rash. I got me a wife just to keep my house nice, To cook me my dinner, to drive off the mice, To sew on my buttons, and sing o’er each task. I didn’t suppose she for money would ask! Must I give it to her, Mother Goose? MOTHER GOOSE. Why, of course. JACK. Don’t you do it, old fellow. Spunk up and be boss! WIFE. Spunk up and be boss! Pretty good, Jacky dear, When you know that your twin leads you round by the ear. JACK. She doesn’t! JILL. I do. OLD WOMAN. Yes, she sartainly do! BACHELOR (_to_ JACK). Say, let’s run away from this crowd, me and you. (WIFE _takes_ BACHELOR _by the collar_, JILL _seizes_ JACK _by the ear_.) JACK (_pulling_ JILL’S _hair_). Here, stop that, you Jill! BACHELOR. And, my love, please let go! WIFE. Not till you promise to stay. Oh, no, no! I’ll be no grass widow. (_Shakes him._) Do you go or stay? BACHELOR. I stay, love, of course. WIFE (_releasing him_). And you’ll do as I say. JACK. He’s henpecked! He’s henpecked! OLD WOMAN. Well, Bub, so be you. JACK. I ain’t! OLD WOMAN. Yes, you be. MOTHER GOOSE. Come, stop bickering, do! (JACK, JILL, _and_ OLD WOMAN _sing. Tune: No. 3._) [Illustration: Music: No. 3. THE BACHELOR’S WIFE. (Also, Dingty Diddlety.)] JACK, JILL, OLD WOMAN. The Bachelor got him a nice little wife, And she’ll be the joy and the plague of his life. He’ll have to buy bonnets and many a gown, And do as she bids him with never a frown. BACHELOR. Well, that wasn’t quite what I reckoned on When I married, don’t you see—— WIFE. You quite forgot, my Hubby dear, That you’d have to reckon with me. (_Screams are heard. All listen._ MISS MUFFETT _runs in, crying, followed by_ GEORGIE PORGIE.) MISS M. Ma! Make Georgie Porgie behave! He’s so bad! OLD WOMAN. That’s so. He’s a tarrible mischievous lad. MOTHER GOOSE. And what’s he been doing now? Kissing you? MISS M. No. It’s worser than that. (_He brings spider from behind him, and swings it toward her_. _She screams._) Ma, don’t let him do so! MOTHER GOOSE. Now behave, Georgie Porgie! OLD WOMAN. He can’t let her be. Why he does want to pester folks so for, beats me! MISS M. I was having a party, alone, right out there On a tuffet, and he gave me such a bad scare! I broke my new bowl with the border of blue And spilled all my curds and my whey, Mother, too. Do whip him! He needs it! GEORGIE. Well, she was a pig! Her bowl was chuck full. MISS M. Well, ’twas small! GEORGIE. No, ’twas big, And she wouldn’t give me the least taste! ’Twasn’t fair! So I crept up behind her, and gave her a scare. (’Twas only a cloth spider, too, honor bright!) But she scampered off in a terrible fright, And let the bowl drop. It fell with a crash, And her feast all ran out, while the bowl went to smash. (_All sing, while_ MISS M. _sulks. Tune: No. 4._) [Illustration: Music: No. 4. LITTLE MISS MUFFETT.] ALL. Little Miss Muffet Sat on a tuffet, Selfish as she could be. Never she’s sharing, No tiny bit sparing. A cute little piggie is she. MISS M. Ma, make ’em stop! They’re plaguing me! MOTHER GOOSE. Well, you should have shared with him, you see. (_All sing, as before._) ALL. Look at the spider, Who sat beside her! Isn’t he queer and fat? He’s only a cloth one, Oh, she is a soft one To be so much frightened at that! MISS M. Ma! Ma! Do make ’em stop! MOTHER GOOSE. Don’t whine. MISS M. Well, some of ’em’s teasing me all the time. (_All sing, as before._) ALL. Little Miss Muffet Never can rough it; Always she’ll howl and yell. Be careful to please her, For if you should tease her, She’ll run to Ma, bawling, and tell. MISS M. I don’t like any of you girls and boys, And that isn’t singing. It’s just a big noise. (GEORGIE _swings spider at_ WIFE. _She screams, and clasps her hands around_ BACHELOR’S _arm_.) WIFE. Oh, save me, dear, save me! The horrible beast! BACHELOR. It’s just a cloth spider, can’t hurt in the least. Stop scaring my wife, sir! Take that thing away. (_He swings it toward shoe._) OLD WOMAN. And don’t scare my babies. Go ’way, now I say! GEORGIE. I’ll kiss ’em all round, then. OLD WOMAN. You just let ’em be. They’re frighted o’ you, ’cause you plague ’em, you see. GEORGIE. Then I’ll kiss Tomboy Jill. JILL. Ho! You don’t dare! You know That I slap your face well when you bother me so. GEORGIE. Well, to kiss a new bride’s quite the thing, don’t you see. BACHELOR. No, it isn’t! Her kisses belong, sir, to me. GEORGIE. Ho! ’Tis every one’s privilege to kiss a bride. (_Kisses her cheek with a loud smack._) Gee! Wasn’t that sweet? I must kiss t’other side. (_Does so._) BACHELOR. You’ve insulted my wife! An apology’s due. GEORGIE. No apologies here, Bach. BACHELOR. Then I challenge you To a duel, to-morrow, at quarter past nine. Just pick out your second, and I will name mine. Is it pistols or swords, sir? (_He has started toward_ GEORGIE, _but his_ WIFE _takes him by the collar and marches him back_.) WIFE. Here! You come right back! I’m sure I should not look at all well in black. ’Twas only a kiss, and besides, don’t you see, If you’re killed, who’ll buy dresses and bonnets for me? (_All sing. Tune: No. 5._) [Illustration: Music: No. 5. GEORGIE PORGIE. (Also, Cross Patch.)] ALL. Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie, Kissed the girls, and made them cry. When he kissed the bride—too bad! Hubby did get awful mad. (CONTRARY MARY _runs in, backward, turns around, runs up to_ BACHELOR, _and kisses him_.) WIFE. Here! Stop that, you impertinent Miss! It isn’t the groom, it’s the bride they kiss. What a forward young snip! BACHELOR. Well, Wife, I vow I liked it. OLD WOMAN. The shoe’s on t’other foot, now. MARY. I never do things the way other folks do. That’s the reason I kissed him instead of you. WIFE. Well, I—— MOTHER GOOSE. There, there, now! Don’t fuss. It’s just Contrary Mary. If you mind her, she’ll do something still more contrary. (_All sing. Tune: No. 6._) [Illustration: Music: No. 6. MISTRESS MARY.] ALL. Mistress Mary, quite contrary, How does your garden grow? MARY (_singing_). With silver bells and cockle shells And fair maids all in a row. ALL (_singing_). Mistress Mary, quite contrary, Do you your garden tend? MARY (_singing_). Whene’er it rains I take the pains To water it, my friend. ALL (_singing_). Mistress Mary, quite contrary, What of a sunny day? MARY (_singing_). I open nine umbrellas fine To keep the heat away. ALL (_singing_). Mistress Mary, quite contrary, How do your blossoms grow? MARY (_singing_). They bloom at night, and that’s all right, For no one sees, you know. ALL (_singing_). Mistress Mary, quite contrary, May we your garden see? MARY (_singing_). No, not to-day. It’s far away. Where no one knows but me. _Enter_ HUMPTY DUMPTY, _rubbing knees and elbows, and whimpering_. HUMPTY. Mother, I got an awful fall Down from the top of a high stone wall. My elbows and knees are all bruised. Look at that! (_Shows elbow._) MOTHER GOOSE. Well, no bones can be broken because you’re too fat. HUMPTY. Wal, it hurt me just dretful! MOTHER GOOSE. I told you to stay On the ground when you fell from the shed, yesterday. Now what were you up to, up there on the wall? HUMPTY. I warn’t up to nothin’—no mischief at all. ROCK-A-BYE BABY (_running in_). He was up to my twee, hanging on to my bough, But he couldn’t get up, he’s so fat. He b’longs on the gwound, like a big hoppytoad. JACK. Ho, ho! What a good one was that! ROCK-A-BYE BABY. He did look as funny as funny tould be, Hanging on by his hands to the bough of my twee, And kicking his fat legs! JACK. I bet that he did. HUMPTY. Keep still, can’t you, Baby? You’re such a fresh kid! ROCK-A-BYE BABY. He _did_ look funny, Jacky. I laughed right out loud, And Humpty got dweffully mad. He said a big swear word! He did, truly, Ma, And called me a name that was bad. HUMPTY. I never, Ma, honest! ROCK-A-BYE BABY. You did, too. You called Me a gweat gwinning monkey, so there! And you said “By Jiminy!” when you fell down, And that was a dwefful big swear. He was twying to get in my cwadle to swing, But the bough wouldn’t hold him at all. It bwoke, with the cwadle and Humpty and me, And he got a dwefful bad fall. (_All sing. Tune: No. 7._) [Illustration: Music: No. 7. HUMPTY DUMPTY.] ALL. Humpty Dumpty hung from a tree, Waving slim legs gracefully. Down came the bough and the cradle and all— Dear little Humpty Dumpty set up a loud squall. HUMPTY. I didn’t squall, did I, Baby B.? ROCK-A-BYE BABY. No. He sweared, but he didn’t bawl. HUMPTY. “By Jiminy” ain’t a swear word. OLD WOMAN. Well, it be n’t a nice word, boy, at all. MOTHER GOOSE. Were you hurt, Rock-a-bye Baby? ROCK-A-BYE BABY. No, I felled on a big feather-bed. HUMPTY. You fell on me. You know you did. ROCK-A-BYE BABY. Why yes—dat’s what I said. My Teddy was up in my cwadle with me, But he didn’t bwoke—he’s all right, you see. (_Sways Teddy Bear to and fro in a cradle made of her hands and sings. Tune: No. 8._) [Illustration: Music: No. 8. ROCK-A-BYE, TEDDY.] ROCK-A-BYE-BABY. Wock-a-bye, Teddy, on a twee top. When the wind blows, our cwadle will wock. When Humpty Dumpty comes, we will fall. He is so heavy he’ll take twee and all. (MILK MAID _comes in_.) MAID. Mother, that pesky old crumpled cow Kicked over the pail again! She won’t be milked. She’s out there now A-frolicking in the lane. JILL. A crumpled cow! What’s a crumpled cow? MAID. Well, a cow with a crumpled horn. She’s worse than Boy Blue’s cows, I avow! I wish she had never been born! I’ve petted and coaxed, but she won’t be good And be properly milked, as a good cow should. MISS M. Here comes Tommy Tucker. (TOMMY TUCKER _is heard whistling_. MAID _begins to “fix” her hair_.) GEORGIE. Ho! See our Milk Maid Primping up for Tom Tucker! We’re all in the shade. (_Enter_ TOMMY, _who sings. Tune: No. 9._) [Illustration: Music: No. 9. THE MILK MAID SONG.] TOMMY. Where are you going, my little honey, oh, Where are you going, my pretty maid? MAID (_singing_). I’m going milking, kind sir, she answered him, I’m going milking, kind sir, she said. TOMMY (_singing_). May I go with you, my little honey, oh, May I go with you, my pretty maid? MAID (_singing_). Yes, if you’ll milk my cow, kind sir, she answered him, Yes, if you’ll milk my cow, kind sir, she said. TOMMY (_singing_). I’ll do so, gladly, my little honey, oh, I’ll do so, gladly, my pretty maid. MAID. She’ll kick you over, kind sir, she answered him, She’ll kick you over, kind sir, she said. TOMMY (_singing_). Then let us wait a while, my little honey, oh, Then let us wait a while, my pretty maid. MAID (_singing_). There is no hurry, sir, quickly she answered him, I’ve milked her once to-night, kind sir, she said. (_They sit down together on stool. Soon he finds it too close quarters, and sits on the floor by her side._) (_All sing. Tune: No. 10._) [Illustration: Music: No. 10. LITTLE TOMMY TUCKER.] ALL. Little Tommy Tucker, sing for your supper. Sing for some milk with your bread and butter. But will you get it? We don’t think you will. Her cow’s a kicker that never stands still. TOMMY. I know how to fix that old crumpled-horn cow, It’s a dandy plan, you will agree. I’ll tie her hind legs to two well-planted posts, And the milk will be safe, as you see. (WILLIE WINKIE _runs in, laughing_.) WILLIE. My, but I’ve had heaps of fun! I hid Jack Horner’s pie, Where he’ll never think of looking. I tormented Simple Si, I made sweet Cross Patch awful mad, and teased old Mother Hubbard. When next she finds old Rover, she’ll have an empty cupboard! I howled just like a hungry wolf, and scared Miss Bo Peep’s sheep, And let the bars down for Boy Blue, while he was fast asleep. I’ve just been busy all the day a-putting mischief through. I hadn’t time to dress myself, I had so much to do. OLD WOMAN. Yes, naughty boy, and you stole my wood! I’d like to get a holt of you! WILLIE. Don’t you wish you could? (_She tries to catch him. He dodges in and out, and_ GEORGIE _begins to tease her babies, which brings her back to them_.) OLD WOMAN. Your boys, Mother Goose, air as bad as kin be. I’d wallop ’em well, if they b’longed to me. (_All sing. Tune: No. 11._) [Illustration: Music: No. 11. WEE WILLIE WINKIE] ALL. Wee Willie Winkie ran through the town, Up hill and down hill in his nightgown; Getting into mischief, fast as he could go. Naughty Willie Winkie needs whipping, we all know. OLD WOMAN. Yes, yes, that he do! He needs it bad. I wish I’d the training of that little lad. WILLIE. Well, you haven’t. OLD WOMAN. No, boy; and it’s lucky for you. WILLIE. And lucky for you, Old Woman, too! _Enter_ MOTHER HUBBARD. _All sing. Tune: No. 12._ [Illustration: Music: No. 12. OLD MOTHER HUBBARD.] ALL. Old Mother Hubbard, she went to the cupboard To get her poor doggie some bread. When she got there, the cupboard was bare, So she ate the poor doggie instead. MOTHER HUBBARD. I’d have to be a-starving before I’d eat old Rover, The dearest doggie in the land. He’s worth you all, twice over. OLD WOMAN. Wal, who’d ’a’ thunk it? That old thief! You mark my words—he’ll come to grief. MOTHER HUBBARD. Now just hear that old critter jaw, Back-bitin’ a poor old hound When he ain’t here to defend himself! It’s slander, I’ll be bound. Ef I ketch her agin a-floggin’ my dog, I’ll—— OLD WOMAN. Wal, what will you do? Ef he robs my babies agin, look out! I may flog both of you. MOTHER HUBBARD. You sassy old thing! OLD WOMAN. Old thing yourself! You’re in your dotage now, Or you never would plague your neighbors With a thieving cur, I vow! He et my babies’ broth all up And licked the kittle clean! MOTHER HUBBARD. Wal, you might ‘a’ gin him a plateful. I wouldn’t be so mean! JILL. Go it, Old Woman, I bet on you! MARY. I bet on Old Mother Hubbard. GEORGIE. She doesn’t know where her dog is now. WILLIE. I shut him in her cupboard. MOTHER HUBBARD. You pesky young one! He’ll eat up Every bit of food that’s there! WILLIE. Oh, no, he won’t, because, you see, The cupboard was quite bare. MOTHER GOOSE. Why don’t you feed him up, yourself, So he wouldn’t want to steal? MOTHER HUBBARD. Why, you can’t fill a hound dog up, Mother Goose, ’Twould cost fifty dollars a meal. MOTHER GOOSE. Then buy a strong chain and hitch him up If you can’t teach him to mind. MOTHER HUBBARD. There! Nobody loves my poor old dog! I think you are very unkind. _Enter_ BABY BUNTING. BABY BUNTING. I loves old Wover. Him and me Togedder went a-hunting. MOTHER HUBBARD. He’s a nice old doggie, isn’t he? And you’re a nice Baby Bunting. GEORGIE. What did you hunt for, Baby B.? WILLIE. And did you have a gun? BABY BUNTING. We hunted for some wabbits. It was a lot of fun. We catched a big wabbit for Wover, And a little bwown bunny for me. I’m a-going to keep mine always, He’s cute as he can be. ROCK-A-BYE BABY. Did Wover keep his bunny, too? BABY BUNTING. No, he put his paw wight on it, And ate it up! He didn’t leave Enough to make a bonnet. He ate it, bones and fur and all! He weally did, you know, And when I came away, I left him Twying to catch a cwow. (_All sing. Tune: No. 13._) [Illustration: Music: No. 13. BABY BUNTING.] ALL. Little Baby Bunting, She went out a-hunting, And got a wild brown rabbit skin That had a little bunny in. BABY BUNTING. ’Course it had a bunny in. It’s going to stay there, too. My bunny’s got a nice fur coat, And a nice fur bonnet, too. ROCK-A-BYE BABY. I wish I had a bunny! I’ve got a Teddy Bear, And you shall take him, Baby, If you’ll your bunny share. (_They go, hand in hand, to one side, where they sit down on the floor together, and exchange pets. They continue to play with them, and exchange them occasionally._) (CROSS PATCH _runs in, evidently in a temper_.) CROSS PATCH. Now where’s that Willie Winkie? I’ll teach him a thing or two! (_She spies him._) You horrid boy! (_She seizes him, and begins to shake him._ MOTHER GOOSE _takes her away_.) MOTHER GOOSE. Here, let him be! What has he done to you? (CROSS PATCH, _when she can no longer reach_ WILLIE, _turns furiously on_ MOTHER GOOSE, _who holds her out from her and shakes her_.) Now don’t you come clawing and scratching at me, Or I’ll teach you better, this way, you see. (_Takes her across knee and spanks her._ CROSS PATCH _screams loudly, then stands with clenched fists, and stamps her feet_.) Now stop that, you Cross Patch. Keep still, I say, Or you’ll get another one, right away. (_All sing. Tune: No. 5._) ALL. Cross Patch, Cross Patch, mad as could be, Clawed and stamped and yelled, you see, ’Cause of Willie Winkie’s prank, Naughty Cross Patch got a spank. CROSS PATCH. Yes, I always get spanked! It’s not fair, I think, To spank me instead of that mean Willie Wink! MOTHER GOOSE. Then don’t be a spitfire. Don’t claw and fight, Instead of answering me aright. MOTHER HUBBARD. Willie is a mischievous young ’un, that’s true. What was he a-doing, Cross Patch, to you? CROSS PATCH. I was having a game with your dog, Mother Hubbard, And Willie just shut us both into your cupboard. WILLIE. Why, really now, Cross Patch, was that you there? I thought it was two ugly dogs, I declare! CROSS PATCH. You know I was there! You pushed me in! And I struck against something, and barked my shin! (_Stoops and rubs shin, glaring at_ WILLIE.) JILL. Say, tell us, Cross Patch, did you find a thing to eat in there? JACK. Yes, tell us. Wasn’t that old cupboard absolutely bare? CROSS PATCH. I found a jar of jam, and Rover found a butter ball. He didn’t care for jam, it seemed, and so I ate it all. MOTHER HUBBARD. Ate all my jam? My raspberry jam? Now, gal, that wasn’t nice. CROSS PATCH. Yes, ’twas real nice, Mother Hubbard, And that cake with plums and spice. Old Rover ate his half of that, and all the butter, too. MOTHER HUBBARD. I’m glad your mother spanked you! CROSS PATCH. Well, spank your old dog, too! Cross Patch, yourself! That lemon pie Went well with jam and cake. MOTHER HUBBARD. I jest hope all that stuff you et Will make your stomick ache! CROSS PATCH. Then Rover’ll have a pain, too. Perhaps he’ll have the colic. BABY BUNTING. If doggie has a pain, Ma Goose Will give him paregoric. WILLIE. But how did you get out again? CROSS PATCH. Oh, don’t you wish you knew? But don’t you fret. I’ll pay you back. There’s a rod in pickle for you. (SIMPLE SIMON _comes slowly in, eating a large pie_.) MOTHER GOOSE. Why, here comes Simple Simon with Jacky Horner’s pie! WILLIE. I don’t see how he found it. SIMON. I found it way up high. It grew in a gombobble tree, It did, upon my word! And perched right in the middle Was a little chippy bird; An’ three old crows sat on a limb A-pickin’ at the pie. I flung a rock among ’em, And off they all did fly. Then up I flings another. “I’ll pick that fruit,” says I, And kep’ on till I hit it, And down fell that ere pie. It bruk the plate, o’ course, but then I didn’t keer fer that, Fer I never did eat plates, you know, ’N the pie was big and fat. Gombobble pie is awful good! I’m goin’ to find another As soon as I’ve et this all up. It’s better’n mince pie, Mother. MOTHER GOOSE. It looks like mince pie, Si, to me. I fear it’s Jacky Horner’s. SIMON. No, ’tisn’t, Ma. He always keeps His pie around in corners. (_All sing. Tune: No. 14._) [Illustration: Music: No. 14. SIMPLE SIMON.] ALL. Simple Si, he found a pie A-growing in a tree, And robbed the bird. Upon my word A robber fierce is he. SIMON. You bet I be when pie’s around. A better pie I never found. Of all the dandy pies, says I, The best of all’s gombobble pie. MOTHER GOOSE. ’Twas funny how that pie got there! SIMON. It grew there, Ma. MOTHER HUBBARD. Wal, I declare, I wish I could find sech a tree! Old Rover’d wag his tail with glee. MOTHER GOOSE. There’s a mystery somewhere. Willie Wink, You’re at the bottom of this, I think. WILLIE. No, Ma. I never saw a pie A-growing in a tree-top high. MOTHER GOOSE. Who put it there, I know quite well. SIMON. P’raps the little bird could tell, Or one of them old big black crows. WILLIE. Perhaps it’s crow pie, Si, who knows? SIMON. I knows it’s good as good can be, And that is quite enough fer me. JILL. Give us a bite, Si? SIMON. No, sirree! This pie ain’t quite enough fer me. Go hunt fer one, like I did, Jill, On a gombobble tree. JILL (_contemptuously_). I guess I will! Here comes Jacky Horner, now, And he looks real mad. WILLIE. There’ll be a row. JACK HORNER. Well, of all the cheek! Say, Simple Si, Where in the world did you find my pie? SIMON. This be n’t your pie. It b’longs to me. It growed on a gombobble tree. JACK HORNER. A gombobble tree! There’s no such thing! And pies don’t grow on trees. SIMON. This here pie did. So, Master Jack, It’s not yours, if you please. JACK HORNER. I’ve hunted for mine through field and wood, My rich mince pie, so plummy and good! And that, Simple Simon, looks like my pie. SIMON. But this is a gombobble pie, says I. JACK HORNER. A “gone gobble” pie, you mean, I guess! I’m going to taste and see. Here, give me a bite and I can tell If it belongs to me. (SIMON _backs away_. JACK HORNER _grabs at the pie, and gets a piece, which he tastes_.) It is! I knew it all the time. You give it here, now, Si! (_He makes a sudden dive at_ SIMON, _and captures the pie_.) SIMON. Ma, make him gin it back to I, He’s eating my gombobble pie! MOTHER GOOSE (_capturing the pie, although_ JACK _manages to get a good bite first_). I’ll keep the pie till we find out Just which does own the pie. Now, Jack, I’ll hear your story. (SIMON _tries to speak_.) No, not now, Simple Si. I know just how you found it, But what I want to know Is just how Jacky lost his. JACK HORNER. It is my pie, I know. I was sitting in a corner, A-sticking in my thumb, When along came Willie Winkie, Just as I found a plum. He said there was a bushful Beneath a big pine tree; So I hid it in some waving ferns Just while I went to see. The bush was full of leaves, Ma! He laughed and ran away. I chased him out into the woods And there I lost my way. And when I did get back again, My pie had vanished, quite. Do give it to me, Mother, I’ve only had one bite! MOTHER GOOSE. ’Tis plain that Willie Winkie Hid it up in the tree. And so it’s really Jacky’s. SIMON (_crying_). That pie belongs to me. Oh, dear, I wants my pie, I does! I likes gombobble pie. JACK HORNER. You’ve had a lot already, You greedy Simple Si. (_While_ MOTHER GOOSE _has been holding the pie, her hands behind her, the other children have stolen up, and taken bits, till, when she holds it out to_ JACK HORNER, _but very little remains_.) MOTHER GOOSE. Here, Jacky Horner, take your pie. Why, what’s become of it? (_Other children laugh._) JACK HORNER. There now! Of all my lovely pie, There’s only left a bit! SIMON. Well, ’twasn’t your gombobble pie, anyway, And I’m glad you lost it, that’s what I say. JACK HORNER. ’Twas mince! SIMON. ’Twas gombobble! (JILL _sneaks up, and gets a bit_.) JACK HORNER. Stop, Jill, I say! I’ll eat the rest of it, anyway. (_Goes over into corner, sits down and finishes pie._) (_All sing. Tune: No. 15._) [Illustration: Music: No. 15. LITTLE JACK HORNER.] ALL. Little Jack Horner sat in a corner, Eating gombobble pie. Wee Willie Wink’s a cute one, we think, And so is our dear Simple Si. (BO PEEP _comes in, shading her eyes, and calling “Co’nanny, co’nanny!”_) BO PEEP. Mother, there’s wolves around here! I heard one howl, I did, And so did my sheep. They were scared to death, And all ran away and hid. I’ve hunted and hunted, and called and called, And all I’ve found, alas! Is just their tails, spread out as if To bleach upon the grass. I fear the wolf has got them all! WILLIE. Ho! Wouldn’t you like to know That I was the wolf that scared your sheep, And you, Bo Peep, also? BO PEEP. And did you cut their tails off? WILLIE. Those weren’t real tails you found. Did you pick them up? BO PEEP. No, I left them there All spread out on the ground. WILLIE. They were only cotton batting. I put ’em there for fun. Your sheep all had their tails on fast, When they went off on the run. BO PEEP. And where are they now? WILLIE. Oh, I don’t know. They must be far away. BO PEEP. Well, you just march off and find them. Mustn’t he, Mother, say? MOTHER GOOSE. Why didn’t you follow them, Bo Peep? BO PEEP. ’Cause—I didn’t know the way. WILLIE. She heard a wolf, and, in a fright, She hid herself in the hay. BO PEEP. Well, it’s mean to play tricks, Willie Winkie! WILLIE. And it’s lazy to go to sleep In broad daylight, and then, besides, You should have watched your sheep. (_All sing. Tune: No. 16._) [Illustration: Music: No. 16. LITTLE BO PEEP.] ALL. Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep, And don’t know where to find them. Wee Willie Wink knows where, we think. He ran along behind them. BO PEEP. I think so, too. He’s a naughty boy! To tease some one is his great joy. He should be spanked and put to bed! OLD WOMAN. Yes, that is what I’ve always said. (BOY BLUE _runs in, tooting horn_.) BOY BLUE. Has any one seen my cows to-day? While I was asleep, they ran away. Which one of you let down the meadow bars? BO PEEP. That bad Willie Winkie. MOTHER HUBBARD. Oh, my stars! What will he do next, the mischievous child? Was ever a young one so naughty and wild? BOY BLUE. Did you let those bars down, Willie Wink? Then you may hunt up the cows, I think. WILLIE. I will, if you’ll lend me your horn, Boy Blue. BOY BLUE. I see myself lending my horn to you! ’Twould be filled with mud or be broken, or bent, Or else I would find in it many a dent. WILLIE. I’d be careful, truly, Boy Blue! BOY BLUE. Oh, no! My horn goes with me wherever I go. WILLIE. I think you’re real mean! BO PEEP. That’s what we think of you. MOTHER GOOSE. You see, Willie Wink, so much mischief you do, That no one believes that you can be good. WILLIE. Your cows are all stuck in the swamp past the wood! BOY BLUE. Oh, no, Willie Winkie, you can’t fool me! I’ve just come through the swamp, you see. My cows are in some farmer’s field of corn. I’m as sure of that as I am of my horn. MOTHER GOOSE. Little folks should not in the daytime sleep. You’ve lost your cows, and Bo Peep her sheep. BOY BLUE. Then maybe we’ll find them all together. BO PEEP. And I’ll just tie up that old bell-wether! (_All sing. Tune: No. 17._) [Illustration: Music: No. 17. LITTLE BOY BLUE.] ALL. Little Boy Blue, you should not sleep, And let your old cows run away with the sheep. While you’re asleep, Willie Winkie’s awake, And trouble he’s always sure to make. (CURLY LOCKS _comes in_. BOY BLUE _looks at her admiringly_.) MOTHER GOOSE. What have you been up to, Curly Locks? CURLY LOCKS. Embroidering my new silk socks. OLD WOMAN. One wasn’t in mischief! Who’d think it, now? I’ll put a red mark down for that, I vow! (JILL _turns toward_ OLD WOMAN, _and makes a face_.) You stop making faces, young sass-box, at me! You’re homely enough, young gal, as you be. (BOY BLUE _who has been “making up” to_ CURLY LOCKS, _sings. Tune: No. 18._) [Illustration: Music: No. 18. CURLY LOCKS.] BOY BLUE. Curly Locks, Curly Locks, wilt thou be mine? Thou shalt not wash dishes, nor yet feed the swine; But sit on a cushion and sew up a seam, And feast upon strawberries, sugar, and cream. CURLY LOCKS. H’m! When your old cows ran away, Where then would be the cream? And they’d tramp upon the strawberries; And as for sewing a seam, I’d rather embroider or hemstitch Than mend an ugly tear, Or sew on ugly patches When holes in your elbows you wear. Besides, you sleep by the haystack When you ought to be at work. I do not care for you, Boy Blue. I can’t abide a shirk! BOY BLUE. And I can’t abide a snob, so we Are even, as you must agree. Fine looks do not mean fine manners, I see, And you are not the girl, after all, for me. MOTHER HUBBARD. “Handsome is as handsome does,” says I. CURLY LOCKS (_tossing her curls_). “Sour grapes,” said the fox, when the vine was too high! (BETTY BLUE _comes in, crying_.) BETTY BLUE. I wish you’d whip Tom, Ma, I do! He’s made me lose my nice new shoe. I’ve danced with a hoptoad and danced with a linnet, While he kept that pipe going every minute. I’ve danced with a snake and I’ve danced with a clam, I’ve danced with a cow and I’ve danced with a lamb! I’ve danced with old Rover, his long hanging ears Going flippety-flop, while he smiled through his tears! And I’d have been dancing yet, truly, Ma Goose, If something in that old pipe hadn’t come loose! (_All sing. Tune: No. 19._) [Illustration: Music: No. 19. LITTLE BETTY BLUE. (Also, Sing a Song of Sixpence.)] ALL. Little Betty Blue, oh, she lost her pretty shoe, Dancing with a hound dog, poor Betty Blue! Polkas, jigs and two-steps, waltzes, hornpipes, reels, Turkey trots and tango too. Tom made her shake her heels! _Enter_ TOM, THE PIPER’S SON, _laughing. All sing. Tune: No. 20._ [Illustration: Music: No. 20. TOM, TOM, THE PIPER’S SON.] ALL. Tom, Tom, the Piper’s Son, Stole a pig, and away he run. He taught that pig to dance, they say, Over the hills and far away. TOM. Yes, he’s a-dancing yet, I think, Unless he’s stopped to rest. You ought to see your sheep, Bo Peep! They danced their very best. The crumpled-horn cow and the old bell-wether Danced the Virginia Reel together. Sweet Betty Blue danced with a clumsy clam! It was funny as it could be, When she danced with a beautiful striped snake Who curled most fantastically! And a toad and a polliwog danced in the shade With the butcher’s boy and the barber’s maid. Let’s have a dance, now! (_Puts pipe to lips._) MOTHER GOOSE (_taking pipe away_). Oh, no, you don’t! Sir Tom, I rather think we won’t. I’ll keep for a while this pretty toy. My joints are too stiff to prance, my boy. TOM (_taking shoe from pocket, and handing it to_ BETTY BLUE). Here’s your new shoe, sweet Betty Blue. BETTY BLUE (_taking it and striking him with it_). I think you’re a horrid boy, I do! (DINGTY DIDDLETY _comes in. All sing. Tune: No. 3._) ALL. Here’s Dingty Diddlety, my Mammy’s maid. Oh, she stole oranges, I am afraid! There’s some in her pocket, and some in her sleeve, For she stole oranges, I do believe! DINGTY. I didn’t! I didn’t, Ma! MOTHER HUBBARD. Undo your sleeve, And turn out your pocket. OLD WOMAN. I railly believe Thet she did! They’re a terrible set, you see, All but this dear little maid by me. (_Smiles at_ CURLY LOCKS.) MOTHER GOOSE. It’s just a foolish little song. OLD WOMAN. H’m! I’ve mistrusted her all along! (_Two of the boys seize her arms and unbutton her sleeves, while a third seizes her bag and opens it. The gombobbles roll out._) ALL. Oranges! Oranges! We told you so! DINGTY. They’re not! They’re gombobbles! SIMON. They be! I know. DINGTY. They sing that silly song at me Till they really believe it! I found a tree Out here in the wood, that was rather queer, So I picked some fruit for you, Mother dear. I met the old man dressed all in leather, And we had a nice little chat together. He says they’re gombobbles, and make nice pie. CHILDREN. Do make some, Mother! MOTHER GOOSE. Pick them up, and I’ll try. (CHILDREN _scramble for them and pick them up. Some of them pretend to taste, and make wry faces._) SIMON. They be n’t good a bit! I don’t like ’em! SEVERAL OTHERS. Nor I! DINGTY. The old man said that they made good pie. They are not good raw. It’s well it’s so, Or we wouldn’t get any pie, I know. MOTHER GOOSE (_to audience_). I hope they’ve amused you, each lassie and lad. Though they’re not very good, still, they’re not very bad! Jest a troublesome flock, like your own, I dare say, Up to some mischief the most of the day; Yet you wouldn’t spare one, and neither would I. Now I must go make them that gombobble pie. Come again, folks, to see us. Come often, now do! Good-bye. Hey? Good wishes? The same, friends, to you! (_All sing. Tune: No. 17._) ALL. Sing a song of sixpence, a pocket full of rye, Mother’s going to make us gombobble pie! When the pie is baked, we will all begin to sing. Maybe we a piece or two to you, good folks, will bring. (_As curtain goes down, they shout._) Hi, hi, hi! Gombobble pie! We’re a jolly flock of geese! Hi, hi, hi! CURTAIN =THE VILLAGE POST-OFFICE= An Entertainment in One Scene by Jessie A. Kelley. Twenty-two males and twenty females are called for, but one person may take several parts and some characters may be omitted. The stage is arranged as a country store and post-office in one. Costumes are rural and funny. Plays a full evening. Full of “good lines” and comical incident and character. Strongly recommended for church entertainments or general use; very wholesome and clean. _Price, 25 cents_ =MISS FEARLESS & CO.= A Comedy in Three Acts by Belle Marshall Locke. Ten females. Scenery, two interiors; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. A bright and interesting play full of action and incident. Can be strongly recommended. All the parts are good. Sarah Jane Lovejoy, Katie O’Connor and Euphemia Addison are admirable character parts, and Miss Alias and Miss Alibi, the “silent sisters,” offer a side-splitting novelty. _Price, 25 cents_ =LUCIA’S LOVER= A Farce in Three Acts by Bertha Currier Porter. Eight females. Costumes, modern; scenery, two interiors. Plays an hour and a half. A bright and graceful piece, light in character, but sympathetic and amusing. Six contrasted types of girls at boarding-school are shown in a novel story. Lots of fun, but very refined. Easy to produce and can be strongly recommended. _Price, 25 cents_ =A GIRL IN A THOUSAND= A Comedy in Four Acts by Evelyn Gray Whiting. Fourteen females. Costumes, modern; scenes, three interiors and an exterior. Plays a full evening. Very strong and sympathetic and of varied interest. Irish comedy; strong “witch” character; two very lively “kids”; all the parts good. Effective, easy to produce, and can be strongly recommended as thoroughly wholesome in tone as well as amusing. _Price, 25 cents_ =MRS. BRIGGS OF THE POULTRY YARD= A Comedy in Three Acts by Evelyn Gray Whiting. Four males, seven females. Scene, an interior; costumes, modern. A domestic comedy looking steadfastly at the “bright side” of human affairs. Mrs. Briggs is an admirable part, full of original humor and quaint sayings, and all the characters are full of opportunity. Simply but effectively constructed, and written with great humor. Plays two hours. _Price, 25 cents_ =TOMMY’S WIFE= A Farce in Three Acts by Marie J. Warren. Three males, five females. Costumes, modern; scenery, two interiors. Plays an hour and a half. Originally produced by students of Wellesley College. A very original and entertaining play, distinguished by abundant humor. An unusually clever piece, strongly recommended. _Price, 25 cents_ =_A. W. Pinero’s Plays_= =_Price, 50 Cents Each_= =MID-CHANNEL= Play in Four Acts. Six males, five females. Costumes, modern; scenery, three interiors. Plays two and a half hours. =THE NOTORIOUS MRS. EBBSMITH= Drama in Four Acts. Eight males, five females. Costumes, modern; scenery, all interiors. Plays a full evening. =THE PROFLIGATE= Play in Four Acts. Seven males, five females. Scenery, three interiors, rather elaborate; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. =THE SCHOOLMISTRESS= Farce in Three Acts. Nine males, seven females. Costumes, modern; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. =THE SECOND MRS. TANQUERAY= Play in Four Acts. Eight males, five females. Costumes, modern; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. =SWEET LAVENDER= Comedy in Three Acts. Seven males, four females. Scene, a single interior; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. =THE THUNDERBOLT= Comedy in Four Acts. Ten males, nine females. Scenery, three interiors; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. =THE TIMES= Comedy in Four Acts. Six males, seven females. Scene, a single interior; costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. =THE WEAKER SEX= Comedy in Three Acts. Eight males, eight females. Costumes, modern; scenery, two interiors. Plays a full evening. =A WIFE WITHOUT A SMILE= Comedy in Three Acts. Five males, four females. Costumes, modern; scene, a single interior. Plays a full evening. Sent prepaid on receipt of price by =_Walter H. Baker & Company_= No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts =_The William Warren Edition of Plays_= =_Price, 15 Cents Each_= =AS YOU LIKE IT= Comedy in Five Acts. Thirteen males, four females. Costumes, picturesque; scenery, varied. Plays a full evening. =CAMILLE= Drama in Five Acts. Nine males, five females. Costumes, modern; scenery, varied. Plays a full evening. =INGOMAR= Play in Five Acts. Thirteen males, three females. Scenery varied; costumes, Greek. Plays a full evening. =MARY STUART= Tragedy in Five Acts. Thirteen males, four females, and supernumeraries. Costumes, of the period; scenery, varied and elaborate. Plays a full evening. =THE MERCHANT OF VENICE= Comedy in Five Acts. Seventeen males, three females. Costumes, picturesque; scenery varied. Plays a full evening. =RICHELIEU= Play in Five Acts. Fifteen males, two females. Scenery elaborate; costumes of the period. Plays a full evening. =THE RIVALS= Comedy in Five Acts. Nine males, five females. Scenery varied; costumes of the period. Plays a full evening. =SHE STOOPS TO CONQUER= Comedy in Five Acts. Fifteen males, four females. Scenery varied; costumes of the period. Plays a full evening. =TWELFTH NIGHT; OR, WHAT YOU WILL= Comedy in Five Acts. Ten males, three females. Costumes, picturesque; scenery, varied. Plays a full evening. Sent prepaid on receipt of price by =_Walter H. Baker & Company_= No. 5 Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts S. J. PARKHILL & CO., PRINTERS, BOSTON, U.S.A. End of Project Gutenberg's A Troublesome Flock, by Elizabeth F. 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