Cover of A Parody on Patience

A Parody on Patience

by Dalziel, D. (Davison)
English 12,657 words 210h 57m read Apr 17, 2015

Subjects:

Railroads -- Illinois -- Drama Sullivan, Arthur, 1842-1900 -- Parodies, imitations, etc. Railroads -- Missouri -- Drama Chicago and Alton Railroad Company -- Drama Sullivan, Arthur, 1842-1900. Patience
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"Come, May, come, Nellie; hurry up. Deacon Fitney will be here directly
and the train starts directly."

The voice was that of Mr. Trevellyan, a thoroughly well-known and
highly respected stock broker of the City of Chicago. Mr. Trevellyan
was a hard-working man, and his various affairs did not give him much
opportunity of absenting himself from his business. But to-day had been
laid out as a holiday for the babies, and papa Trevellyan had made up
his mind to take part in it.

After a...

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*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 48723 *** •A♦TRIP♦TO♦NIAGARA♦FALLS• "Come, May, come, Nellie; hurry up. Deacon Fitney will be here directly and the train starts directly." The voice was that of Mr. Trevellyan, a thoroughly well-known and highly respected stock broker of the City of Chicago. Mr. Trevellyan was a hard-working man, and his various affairs did not give him much opportunity of absenting himself from his business. But to-day had been laid out as a holiday for the babies, and papa Trevellyan had made up his mind to take part in it. After a good deal of family discussion [these things generally involve more or less of that sort of thing] it was finally decided to make a trip to Niagara Falls and back. So a party was made up which was to consist of Mr. and Mrs. Trevellyan, the two children and a good-hearted Deacon Fitney, who was well acquainted with the way to "do" the Falls properly. The day was, as I have just said, a bright one, even for the month of June, and both May and Nellie, in anticipation of a pleasant time, were not long in putting on their things and repairing to the parlor. It was well they hurried. There was papa, valise in hand, ready to start; mamma, too, and nothing seemed to be wanting but the presence of Deacon Fitney, who had gone off to secure the railway tickets, and who promised to return at once with a carriage and accompany the whole party to the train. The Deacon was not long in coming back. He was a good man in his way, was the Deacon. He had only one fault--he was unreasonably fond of Buttons! He adorned his apparel with more buttons than even the law requires, and he wore a nice gold headed button on his neatly tied satin scarf. Nobody could ever find out what prompted this peculiarity, but then nobody seemed to care very much. However, as I said before, the Deacon came back very quickly and helped get things in the carriage. "By the way, Deacon," said Mr. Trevellyan, "what time do we start and which way do we go? You know I have left everything of that kind to you." "Four-thirty," said the Deacon, in a cheerful sort of way, "and by the Michigan Central Railroad. It is the only way to go. But never mind about the advantages to be gained by going over this remarkable route. I will tell you all about it when we get on the train." And so they bundled into the carriage, and within a few minutes the entire party was seated in one of the magnificent palace cars which are attached to the Michigan Central Limited Express. "All aboard!" shouted the conductor. "We're off," smiled the Deacon. The big clock in the depot struck the half after four, and the magnificent train composed of five sleepers, three coaches, a palace dining car and a couple of baggage cars, slowly pulled out of the station. May and Nellie glued their noses to the window, and their delight as they whizzed through the beautiful suburbs of South Chicago, seemed unbounded. With Lake Michigan, tranquil and glittering with the rays of a summer sun, on one side, and a succession of lovely suburban residences on the other, the sight was a most lovely one. A few minutes later the train was flying through green fields and beautiful woods. "Here, children," suddenly cried the Deacon from the other side of the car, "come quick and see the magic city of Pullman." In a minute May was on one of the Deacon's knees and Nellie on the other, and the train passed rapidly by the most wonderful evidence of modern enterprise. "Three years ago," said the Deacon, in answer to an enquiring look of admiration in the children's eyes, "the ground on which stands this most beautiful city, which is without doubt the model city of the world, was nothing but a swamp. See what it is now. Some day, when we get back home, I will bring you here and let you learn more closely what the creator of the beautiful place which bears the name of Pullman has done for his country." A minute later the train flew past Kensington, and then fairly started on its iron way for its first stopping place, Michigan City, better known as the City of Sand. Then came Niles, with its wonderful bridge and its fairy valley. Then Kalamazoo, the biggest village in the world, and the flower bed of creation. Then Marshall, Battle Creek and Jackson, the latter place the centre of railway industry of the beautiful State of Michigan. Then Ann Arbor, where is situated the University of the State of Michigan, and then, last, but not least, Detroit. By this time, of course, the babies had been tucked in bed. The Deacon had taken them into the dining car and feasted them with all the inexhaustible luxuries for which these cars on the Michigan Central R. R. are so famous. Then the colored porter having made up their beds they were soon fast asleep and dreaming of the treat in store for the morrow. The Deacon, however, was determined at least that his grown-up friends should lose none of the beauties of the trip, and so he insisted that Mr. and Mrs. Trevellyan should remain up until they had crossed the famous Detroit River. The night was a beautiful one, and they were amply rewarded by witnessing one of the most thoroughly picturesque pieces of scenery in the world. The entire train was placed on one of the immense ferry steamers, and the landing shortly afterwards made at Windsor, a picturesque and quaint little town on the Canadian side of the river. At this point commences the Canada Southern Division of the Michigan Central Railroad, famous alike for the magnificence of its equipment and smoothness of track. Here our friends, so to speak, turned in, and it was only a few minutes before every one on board was fast asleep. The next thing was the morning sun and Niagara Falls. The run had been made from Chicago in the remarkable time of fifteen hours. "Oh, how good of you, Deacon Fitney," said little May a short while later, as standing on a verandah of Joe ---- House, she gazed with rapture at the Falls in all their splendor; "how good of you to bring us to such a nice place and by such a delightful road." "I am glad you like it," said the Deacon, with a smile; "but you must not credit me with too much goodness, for I could hardly have brought you by any other way. The Michigan Central road is the only direct road running to the Falls, and you could hardly expect that I could take you there by any line which is not entirely the best." Mr. and Mrs. Trevellyan heartily joined May in her expressions of thanks to the Deacon, and more than endorsed every word he had said in praise of the wonderful Michigan Central Limited Express. They spent the day at the Falls--a day of merry sunshine and happiness. The Falls never looked grander and nature never smiled with more sweetness. The time passed only too quickly, and when the children stepped on the cars once more to return to Chicago it was with a twinge of regret which was only offset by the knowledge that they had another delightful trip in store for them on the Michigan Central Road. Now May has the following time table hung up among her pictures on the wall in her bed room. She says it serves to remind her of one of the happiest days of her life. Above it, in a baby's handwriting, she has scrawled: "THE ONLY WAY TO GO EAST FROM CHICAGO IS BY THE MICHIGAN CENTRAL R.R." * * * * * =Train No. 10.--Fast New York Express.=--Leaves Chicago EVERY DAY at 4.30 p. m. and consists of one First Class Smoking Car, one First Class Day Coach, one =Dining Car= and =three Palace Sleeping Cars=, running on following time: Leaves Chicago 4.30 p. m. Sund. Mond. Tues. Wed. " Jackson 10.54 p. m. " " " " Arrives Detroit 1.00 a. m. Mond. Tues. Wednes. Thurs. " St. Thomas 4.20 " " " " " " Toronto, via C. V. Ry. 9.30 " " " " " " Toronto, via G. W. R. 9.30 " " " " " " Niagara Falls 8.30 " " " " " " Buffalo 8.15 " " " " " " Rochester, via N. Y. C. 11.10 " " " " " " Syracuse, " 1.30 p. m. " " " " " Utica, " 3.00 " " " " " " Albany, " 5.50 " " " " " " Troy, " 7.00 " " " " " " New York, " 10.00 " " " " " " Hornellsville, via Erie 12.30 " " " " " " Elmira, " 1.50 " " " " " " Binghamton, " 3.00 " " " " " " New York, " 10.00 " " " " " " Philadelphia, via L. V. 10.20 " " " " " " Boston, via B. & A. 6.25 a. m. Tues. Wednes. Thurs. Friday. Leaves Chicago 4.30 p. m. Thurs. Friday. Satur. " Jackson 10.54 p. m. " " " Arrives Detroit 1.00 a. m. Friday. Satur. Sunday. " St. Thomas 4.20 " " " " " Toronto, via C. V. Ry. 9.30 " " " [1] " Toronto, via G. W. R. 9.30 " " " [1] " Niagara Falls 8.30 " " " " " Buffalo 8.15 " " " " " Rochester, via N. Y. C. 11.10 " " " " " Syracuse, " 1.30 p. m. " " " " Utica, " 3.00 " " " " " Albany, " 5.50 " " " " " Troy, " 7.00 " " " " " New York, " 10.00 " " " " " Hornellsville, via Erie 12.30 " " " " " Elmira, " 1.50 " " " " " Binghamton, " 3.00 " " " " " New York, " 10.00 " " " " " Philadelphia, via L. V. 10.20 " " " [1] " Boston, via B. & A. 6.25 a. m. Satur. Sunday. [2] [1] Does not arrive on Sunday. [2] Does not arrive on Monday. This train, leaving Chicago one hour later than heretofore, makes a much surer connection with Western lines. The Smoking Car, Day Coach and one Sleeping Car run through to Buffalo via M. C.; one Sleeping Car runs through to Toronto via M. C. and Credit Valley Railways; one Sleeping Car runs through to New York via M. C. and N. Y. C. The Dining Car serves dinner out of Chicago at 5 o'clock; train arrives in Buffalo in good season for breakfast. This train has attached at Detroit a Through Sleeping Car from St. Louis to New York, via W., St. L. & P., M. C. and N. Y. C., that makes quicker through time than any other line; and also a Sleeping Car from Detroit to Syracuse that is placed in Detroit depot about 9 p. m. Passengers can enter their berths any time after that hour. Connects with Grand Trunk trains in Detroit. Connection with Pullman Car for New York and Philadelphia, via Erie, leaving Buffalo at 9.15 a. m., and also with Buffalo, New York and Philadelphia, leaving at 8.20 a. m. Connects at Albany with through sleeper for Boston via B. & A., leaving at 8.40 p. m. No second class passengers are carried on this train. =NOTE.--No extra charge is made on Michigan Central Fast Express.= * * * * * May's advice is very excellent. She says the Michigan Central is the best road in the United States and she knows what she is talking about. WM. S. EATON, Treasurer. J. C. CONVERSE, President. NATIONAL TUBE WORKS COMPANY; MANUFACTURERS OF WROUGHT IRON LAP-WELDED BOILER TUBES AND PIPE, FOR STEAM, WATER AND GAS. [Illustration] ALSO, DRY PIPE, CASING, TUBING AND SPECIAL PIPE FOR CONDUCTING WATER LONG DISTANCES. CONVERSE'S PATENT LOCK-JOINT FOR WATER AND GAS MAINS. SOLE MANUFACTURERS OF THE National Semi-Steel Locomotive Boiler Tube AND MACK'S LOCOMOTIVE INJECTOR. OFFICES: CHICAGO, ILL., 159 AND 161 LAKE STREET. _BOSTON, NEW YORK, PHILADELPHIA, PITTSBURGH, McKEESPORT, BRADFORD, PA._ * * * * * RAILROAD AND BUSINESS DESKS A SPECIALTY. [Illustration: 80 The above represents our New Pattern, both Low and High Curtain.] We make the only OPERA CHAIR THAT WILL NOT BREAK. FOLDING CHURCH SEATS, Same Principle. =Reference Given.= Improvements Patented. [Illustration: 84 ROUND ENDS, LOW CURTAIN.] _Best Goods, Lowest Prices._ ALL GOODS WARRANTED. CALL OR SEND FOR CATALOGUE. AMERICAN STORE STOOL CO., 246 Wabash Avenue, CHICAGO, ILL. * * * * * ESTABLISHED 1851. INCORPORATED 1868. THE YALE & TOWNE MFG. CO. ENGINEERS. HENRY R. TOWNE, Prest. OWNING AND OPERATING THE YALE LOCK MANUFACTURING CO. THE EMERY SCALE CO. THE WESTON CRANE CO. SOLE MAKERS OF THE "YALE" LOCKS, For All Uses where Great Security Is Desired. RIM AND MORTISE NIGHT LATCHES, DEAD LOCKS, FRONT DOOR AND VESTIBULE SETS, OFFICE LOCKS, CABINET LOCKS FOR ALL PURPOSES. [Illustration: FULL SIZE OF KEY.] THE "STANDARD" LOCKS. A Complete Line of Mortise Locks, particularly adapted for Inner Doors. Night Latches, Dead Locks, Knob Locks, Cabinet Locks, Front Door Locks, Vestibule Latches, Sliding Door Locks. [Illustration] THE "STANDARD" SPRING PADLOCKS, Cast Bronze, with Nickel-Plated Steel Keys and Brass Tumblers. Six sizes--one inch to two and one-fourth inches. ALSO, SOLE MANUFACTURERS OF WESTON'S PAT. DIFFERENTIAL PULLEY BLOCKS AND CRANES OF ALL TYPES. PRINCIPAL OFFICE AND WORKS: STAMFORD, CONNECTICUT. Western Office, CHICAGO, 64 Lake Street. New York Office, 62 Reade St. Boston Office, 224 Franklin St. Philadelphia Office, 507 Market St. SPECIAL CATALOGUES SENT ON APPLICATION. * * * * * FAIRBANKS, MORSE & CO. CORNER OF LAKE STREET AND FIFTH AVENUE, CHICAGO. EXCLUSIVELY FIRST QUALITY GOODS. RAILWAY SUPPLY DEPARTMENT. SCALES: Fairbanks' Standard; over 400 modifications; 45 new patents. Many styles especially adapted to railway requirements. WAGONS: For Express and Transfer Station Use; several new patterns. TRUCKS: All Sizes and Styles; made of best material. Special styles made to order. HAND CARS: Improved Wood Wheels, steel axles, wrought crank shaft, light, strong, and universally satisfactory. PUSH CARS: Improved Wood Wheels, or iron wheels, rubble and special sizes made to order. VELOCIPEDES: Three Wheeled Railway Velocipedes. Improved patterns. LOCKS: Miller's Improved brass, switch, freight car, tool house and other styles. WATER STATIONS: Wind, Steam, Horse or Hand Power Stations. Erected complete or material and plans furnished. WINDMILLS: "Eclipse," strongest and only safe self-regulator. The cheapest water station motor where wind is available. WINDMILL TOWERS: All Heights. Delivered on cars or erected when desired. TANKS: White Pine, Southern pine, and cypress; all sizes, machine-made, perfect fitting. Erected if desired. TANK FIXTURES: "Eclipse" Pattern, Babbitt metal valve seat, solid rubber valve face, galvanized iron spout. PUMPS: Double and Single Acting; for wind or hand power. New styles with improvements, especially adapted to railroad use. PIPE: Prepared Wood Pipe. Economical and durable. Recommended for long distances. STEAM PUMPS AND BOILERS: "Eclipse" Fly Wheel. Constructed especially for railroad water station service. New improvements. STEAM PUMPS AND BOILERS: Direct Acting, patent interchangeable cylinders, and other improvements. STAND PIPES: Smith's Improved Pivoted Pipe, with quick closing slide valve. No packing used. INSPIRATORS: The Hancock Improved, the best boiler feeder. No adjustment needed for varying steam pressure. PRESSES: Letter and Way Bill; all sizes. Made with wheel or lever as desired. TURNTABLES: Wrought Iron, Cast Iron and Wood. Delivered on cars or built complete. SCRAPERS: Wheel and Drag. GENERAL DEPARTMENT. FAIRBANKS' STANDARD SCALES: All Sizes, and adapted to all purposes. WINDMILLS: For Farm and other Uses. Pumping or power mills. WINDMILL FIXTURES: Pumps, Cylinders, Pipe, etc. TRUCKS: All Styles, for warehouse, packing houses, etc. BEAMS: Grain Testers, Assay Balances, U. S. Standard Weights and Measures, etc. INSPIRATORS: Hancock's Improved Boiler Feeder. WATER WORKS: For Towns and Villages. Erected complete or material furnished. STEAM PUMPS AND BOILERS: All Sizes. Improved patterns. SEND FOR DESCRIPTIVE CATALOGUE SPECIFYING ARTICLE NEEDED. [Illustration: A Parody on Patience [Sidenote: illustrated by H. W. McVickar] By _D. DALZIEL_, EDITOR OF THE CHICAGO NEWS LETTER. * * * * * DRAWN & PRINTED IN COLORS BY _WEMPLE & CO. ☼ LITHOGRAPHERS_, New York.] [Illustration: WE CARE NOTHING FOR RAILROAD CONDUCTORS] ·:A PARODY:· ·on· •PATIENCE• (_Respectfully dedicated to the Conductors of the Chicago & Alton Railroad._) (BY D. DALZIEL, EDITOR OF THE CHICAGO NEWS LETTER.) SCENE--_The Exterior of a Railroad Depot_. (_Enter_ ANGELA, ELLA _and_ SAPHIR, _and a number of æsthetic young women._) ANGELA--There is a strange magic in this love of ours. Rivals, as we all are, in the affections of our Reginald, the very hopelessness of our love is a bond that binds us to one another. (_All sigh._) JANE--Fools, yes, fools. Know ye not that this man never can be yours? He loves another, and that other is PATIENCE. (_General misery._) ANGELA--Patience, the young woman who milks the cow and sleeps in the stable! Surely the gentleman's taste must be a trifle unæsthetic. JANE--You must not question his motive. He is utterly transcendent in all he does. But the milkmaid, as you say, is indeed a little beneath the regard of one so truly too. ALL--Indeed she is. (_They all sigh._) PATIENCE--(_Appears at background and looks with contempt upon the lot. She then comes down._) What is the matter, girls, are you ill? ALL--No, we are in love. (_More misery._) PATIENCE--I know not what love is. ANGELA--Ah, Patience, if you have never loved you have never known true happiness. (_All sigh._) PATIENCE--But the truly happy seem to have so much on their mind. The truly happy never seem quite well. But I have some news for you. The Railroad Conductors' Annual Picnic will be held here to-day, and the young men in their gorgeous uniforms are now on their way to this spot. ANGELA--(_Contemptuously._) Railroad conductors! SAPHIR--I am told they are men of very full habits. ELLA--We care nothing for railroad conductors. (_Exit the ladies in sorrowful procession. Enter the railroad conductors. They march around to chorus._) The conductors of our land are linked in friendly tether, Upon the railroad train they make their friends together; There every mother's son prepared to make a friend is. The comrade of one, The comrade of all is, The comrade of one, The comrade of all is. (_Enter the Grand Commander of the Order of Conductors_, COLONEL BLUE, _of the Chicago & Alton Railroad_.) G· C·--(_Sings._) When I first put this uniform on I said as I looked in the glass, It's one to a million, that any civilian My figure and form will surpass. Gold lace has a charm for the fair, And I've plenty of that, and to spare. While a lover's professions, When uttered on Hessians Are eloquent ev'rywhere; A fact that I counted upon When I first put this uniform on. CHORUS. By a simple coincidence, few Could ever have reckoned upon, The same thing occurred to us, too, When we first put this uniform on. [Illustration: I KNOW NOT WHAT LOVE IS!] [Illustration: The conductors of our line are linked in friendly tether] [Illustration: WHEN I FIRST PUT THIS UNIFORM ON] [Illustration: OH PATIENCE! YOU WILL BREAK MY HEART.] G· C·-- I said when I first put it on, It's plain to the veriest dunce, That every beauty Will feel it her duty To yield to the Alton at once. They will see that I'm freely gold laced, In a uniform handsome and chaste, And a gentleman connected with the Chicago and Alton Should be very much to their taste; A fact that I counted upon When I first put this uniform on. CHORUS. By a simple coincidence, few Could ever have reckoned upon, The same thing occurred to us, too, When we first put this uniform on. (_Enter_ PATIENCE.) PATIENCE--How strangely handsome these conductors are, but I dare not address them. G· C·--Fair maiden, you seem alarmed at our intrusion. PATIENCE.--Not at all. Only awed. I am not accustomed to so much glitter. G· C·--(_Proudly._) You flatter, fair maid, but we are accustomed to it. We are conductors. That speaks for our brilliant appearance. PATIENCE.--And what is a conductor? G· C·--Do you mean it? Listen and I will give you the recipe for a first-class Chicago and Alton conductor. (_Sings._) If you want a recipe for that popular mystery Usually known as an Alton road man, Take all the remarkable people in history, Mix them all up in a rhyming stewpan; The pluck of a brakeman on board of a freight train, Genius of agents devising a plan, The humor of Jay Gould (when in a cut rate vein), Coolness of Vanderbilt leading the clan; The science of Howgate, the eminent Arctico; Wit of Abe Lincoln, good Illinois man; Pathos of Paddy, just out on a lark to go; Style of the Bishop of Saskatchewan; The dash of a D'Orsay divested of quackery, Narrative powers of Dickens and Thackeray. Victor Emmanuel, peak-hunting Peveril, Thomas A-qui-nas and Doctor Sa-che-verell, Tupper and Tennyson, Daniel De-Foe, Anthony Trollope and Mister Guizot. Take of these elements all that is fusible, Melt 'em all down in a pipkin or crucible, Set 'em to simmer and take off the scum, And an Alton conductor is the re-si-du-um. If you want a receipt for this railroad like Paragon, Get at the wealth of Jim Fair (if you can); The family pride of a Blue Blood from Lexington, Force of Mephisto pronouncing a ban, A smack of young Lorillard, reckless and rollicky, Swagger of Kearney leading his gang, The keen penetration of Paddington Pollaky; Grace of an odalisque on a divan; The essence delightful of utter civility, Graceful and pleasant lacking servility; Flavor of Hamlet; Charles Surface, a touch of him; Little of Romeo, but not very much of him,-- Beautiful dressed, all buttons and lace, Air of a nobleman, exquisite face. [Illustration: YOU ARE RIGHT PATIENCE, I AM A CHICAGO AND ALTON RAILROAD CONDUCTOR, AND THEY ARE ALL VERY BEAUTIFUL.] [Illustration: PRETTY, PRETTY MAIDEN!] [Illustration: "Marry me fair maiden, from my heart t'will take a load."] [Illustration: "REALLY LADIES, YOU MUST EXCUSE ME. I NEVER CAN BE YOURS."] Take of these elements all that is fusible Melt 'em all down in a pipkin or crucible, Set 'em to simmer and take off the scum, And an Alton conductor is the residuum. (_Exit_ CONDUCTORS.) PATIENCE--Such a person as he describes must be truly interesting. But who comes here? One of them, I declare. I must depart. Oh! I must depart. (_Enter_ GROSVENOR, _sings_.) HE. Pretty, pretty maiden, look upon this breast; Hey, but I'm doleful, willow, willow waly! I belong to the best line that's running in the West; Hey, willow waly, oh! Competition, we defy it; Let those who doubt me, try it; Hey, willow waly, oh! SHE. Judging by your words, sir, it's the Alton Road you mean; Hey, but he's doleful, willow, willow waly! I'm well aware of the fact, strange as it may seem; Hey, willow waly, oh! You've much to recommend you, If the Alton Road befriend you; Hey, willow, waly, oh! ⁂ GROSVENOR--Oh, Patience, you will break my heart. Don't you know me? PATIENCE--No, although I have seen people dressed like you before, I do not think that would entitle me to say I knew you. GROSVENOR--Don't you remember your little playfellow, Archibald? He who used to take you to excursions by the Chicago & Alton to St. Louis? PATIENCE--Can it be--why, yes, it must be Archibald. I am glad to see you. The remembrance of those visits to St. Louis is still fresh in my memory. So fresh that it is not at all necessary for me to go there again to renew them. But you are changed. GROSVENOR--I am somewhat taller than when I first knew you; remember that it is nigh on to thir-r-ty years since first we met by the village stream. Ah, Patience, the time has passed lightly enough on me, but with you it is very different. PATIENCE--And how handsome _you_ look. GROSVENOR--You are quite right, Patience (_drawing himself up_). I am a Chicago & Alton Railroad Conductor, and _they_ are all very beautiful. PATIENCE--And that uniform, Archibald! GROSVENOR--(_Sighs_) Ah, that is the bane of my life. It has the curse of fatal perfection. Since I first put it on I dare not go through the cars and collect tickets without an escort. All the women I meet fall madly in love with me. At the country depot when my train goes through, the entire female population flock out to get a glimpse at me. The life is one of torment. PATIENCE--Then why do you not cast it away from you, and make yourself a commonplace person like the conductors of other roads? GROSVENOR--No, Patience, that would be wrong. I have a mission in life. If it be my fortune to be the handsomest conductor on the finest railroad in the World, who am I that I should withhold the contemplation of my gifts from others? But will you love and marry me, Patience? PATIENCE--(_Pointing to the sign on his hat bearing inscription Chicago & Alton conductor. Sings very much after La Mascotte._) SHE. When I behold that magic sign a sweet joy agitates me. HE. Ah, Patience, you are right; this uniform must captivate thee. SHE. When I look on those beauteous words just like a little chick I tremble. HE. The Alton is the greatest line, 'tis useless to dissemble. SHE. That more than other roads I love. [Illustration: AN OLD MAN SAT IN A RAILWAY SHOP.] [Illustration: "It's the Alton Road that takes me home"] [Illustration: GROSVENOR IS BURIED IN REVERIE.] [Illustration: "I WILL HAVE YOU DISCHARGED FROM THE CHICAGO AND ALTON RAILROAD COMPANY."] HE. After that 'tis surely you I love. SHE. When the engine sounds its puff, puff, puff, puff, puff, puff. HE. When the whistle sounds its "WHEW!" ⁂ SHE. When I look on that braid and buttons a strange awe overcomes me. HE. Ah, Patience, 'tis not strange this uniform becomes me. SHE. Since I find you are an Alton man, I'll marry now instead of later. HE. If Patience did not love that road, I'm sure that I should hate her. SHE. That more than other roads I love. HE. After that 'tis surely you I love. SHE. When the agent sweetly murmurs, Tickets, tickets, tickets. HE. When the brakeman gently gasps, How-oo-l-ng changekyarsfromummmsbrymummumspassgersfiminitsfreshments. ⁂ GROSVENOR--Then you will marry me, Patience? Ah, this is too much! (_Goes to clasp her in his arms._) PATIENCE--But stop. I never thought of this. Love to be pure must be unselfish. If I marry you I shall deprive others of your beautiful presence, and the travelling public will know you no more. That would be selfish, and therefore I must not love you. GROSVENOR--Oh, fatal perfection, again you stand in the way of my happiness; but you are right, Patience, you are right. (_Sings._) HE. Marry me, fair maiden, from my heart 'twill take a load Hey, but I'm hopeful, willow, willow waly, I'm the handsomest conductor on the Chicago & Alton Road; Hey, willow waly, oh! My salary is modest, My intentions are quite honest; Hey, willow waly, oh! SHE. Gentle sir, 'tis true, 'twould be difficult to find: Hey, but he's hopeful, willow, willow waly, A personage more handsome and perfect in his mind Hey, willow waly, oh! Still I would not marry, So, prithee do not tarry; Hey, willow waly, oh! (_Exit_ PATIENCE _sobbing_. GROSVENOR _remains in an attitude of grief._) GROSVENOR--(_after a pause_). It must be written. The only woman I love is denied me while all others that I do not love are showered at my head. Perhaps some of you may envy my condition. If you do, follow this little bit of advice and you may soon find yourself as burdened with love as I am. (_Sings._) If you're anxious for to shine in the highest railroad line as a man of genius rare, You must get up all the germs of the grandest railroad terms and plant them everywhere; You must smile at all the ladies, and be good to all the babies in a manner that is most kind; It really doesn't matter how much they cry and chatter or if they talk you deaf and blind. And everyone will say As you walk your cheerful way, If this young man behaves himself in the manner that we see, Why, what a very singularly nice young man this Alton man must be! ⁂ [Illustration: "Conceive me if you can A commonplace young man."] [Illustration: A MOST UNIQUE YOUNG MAN, WHO RUNS THE CAR YOUNG MAN, POLITE TO THE LADIES ETC.] [Illustration: "And kind to the babies."] [Illustration: Who is lavish in dress] * * * * * GRIFFIN & WELLS FOUNDRY CO. RAILROAD CAR, ENGINE AND STREET CAR WHEELS. Annual Capacity, 50,000 Wheels. [Illustration] Rates Secured and Shipments made to all parts of the West and South. Contracts made for Yearly or Other Supply. Mileage or Time Guarantee Given. All Orders and Correspondence will receive prompt attention. References furnished. OFFICE AND WORKS: Paulina St., South of Blue Island Ave. CHICAGO. * * * * * THOS. F. GRIFFIN & SONS, MANUFACTURERS OF CAR WHEELS AND CASTINGS OFFICE AND WORKS: } Cor. of Forest Ave. and N. Y. C. & H. R. R. R. } BUFFALO, N. Y. * * * * * GRIFFIN CAR WHEEL CO. RAILROAD CAR WHEELS AND CASTINGS. Annual Capacity, 100,000 Wheels. 10,000 Tons Castings. [Illustration] Rates Secured and Shipments made to all parts of the United States. Special attention given to Car and Engine Wheels for Railroad Use. Mileage Guaranteed. Contracts made for Yearly or Other Supply. Correspondence Solicited. OFFICE AND WORKS: } Cor. Foundry St. & Michigan Central R.R. } DETROIT, MICH. * * * * * THE GRIFFIN WHEEL MANUFACTURED BY GRIFFIN CAR WHEEL CO. DETROIT, MICH. GRIFFIN & WELLS FOUNDRY CO. CHICAGO, ILL. THOS. F. GRIFFIN & SON, BUFFALO, N. Y. COMBINED DAILY CAPACITY, 800 Wheels per Day and 60 Tons Castings. EXTRA HEAVY WHEELS FOR ENGINE AND PASSENGER SERVICE. ALL MILEAGE GUARANTEED. * * * * * Be attentive to the old, don't growl and never scold, but to all be just and fair, And convince 'em if you can that the conductors of your road are fraught with culture rare. Take your tickets with a smile, whatever may be there to guile, and teach them all to pine For the exquisite politeness of the affable conductors of the Chicago and Alton Line. And everyone will say As you walk your mystic way, If everything connected with the Alton Road is as good as what I see, Oh, what a very cultivated sort of road this Alton Road must be! ⁂ Be kind in disposition, bear in mind that your position is one in which you shine, As a man of great perfection on account of your connection with the Chicago and Alton Line Though the emigrants may jostle, you will rank as an apostle in a high æsthetic band You always must remember that you are a valued member of the railroad of the land. And everyone will say, As you walk your stately way If he's a sample of the Alton Road, the Alton Road, oh, me! Why, what a very cultivated sort of road the Alton road must be! (_Re-enter maidens fair and numerous._) ANGELA--This love for yon young Grosvenor is joy. (_All sigh._) (GROSVENOR _starts and endeavors to escape but is prevented_.) GROSVENOR--Really, ladies, you must excuse me, I have to meet a fellow. ALL--We know, but deign us a few moments of your precious time. Let us gaze upon your beauteous exterior, if only for a brief while. GROSVENOR--But, ladies, to what end? I never can be yours. Of course it is my duty to let you gaze on me as you would gaze on any other beautiful product of nature, else why am I in this world? But you cannot turn me from my love. Remember the story of the old man and the railroad runners. ALL--But we don't know the story of the old man and the railroad runners. GROSVENOR--Don't you? Then I'll sing it to you. _Sings._ An old man sat in a railroad shop, And all around was a loving crop Of runners and agents with smile sublime, Working that man for their favorite line. But for agents the old man felt no whim; Tho' he charmed them they charmed not him; From agents and runners and smiles he strode, For he'd set his love on the Alton Road. The Alton Road, The Alton Road. Their most æsthetic, peripatetic Fancies this way ran: If others we wheedle, why, we indeed'll Wheedle this queer old man. CHORUS: Their most æsthetic, peripatetic Fancies this way ran. If others we wheedle, why we indeed'll Wheedle this queer old man. ⁂ The runners and agents expressed surprise; The conductors opened their well-drilled eyes. The runners, they felt shut up, no doubt, And the agents they found themselves cut out. But the queer old man was as solid as stone, "It's the Alton Road that takes me home" That's what he cried, that queer old boy. "And it's the only road that gives me joy." [Illustration: A highly colored young man. A Pullman Car young man.] [Illustration: A FUNNY, ROUGH OLD MAN, A TOUGH AND BLUFF OLD MAN, WHO SWEARS LIKE AN INJUN AND RUNS THE ENGINE, A CHICAGO AND ALTON MAN.] [Illustration: Another grim old man, A sooty & jolly old man, "I tends to the boiler; Sometimes I oil her," A C. & A. stoker old man.] [Illustration: "A Dainty, Timid young man A handle-your-baggage young man."] That queer old man, That queer old man. These most æsthetic, peripatetic Runners skipped and ran; For by no means ever can agent ever Corrupt that queer old man. CHORUS: These most æsthetic, peripatetic Runners skipped and ran; For by no means ever can agent ever Corrupt that queer old man. (_All off dancing except_ GROSVENOR, _who remains seated on a trunk checked through to San Francisco via the Chicago and Alton_. _He is buried in reverie. Enter back the Grand Commander of the Conductors' Association_, COLONEL BLUE.) G· C·--There he is--he, a simple conductor, and yet he cut us all out. Even I, the Grand Commander of all conductors, even I am cut out. But it must end, and end now. (_Comes down to_ GROSVENOR.) Ah! so we meet at last. GROSVENOR--Happy man. G· C·--None of that nonsense with me, and now to business. Ever since you joined our band, things have gone wrong. Before you came the women loved _me_--yes, sir, _me_, and they followed _me_ about everywhere, and now you have come and everything is changed. It is you they run after, but I tell you it must cease. GROSVENOR--Is it my fault if they all fall in love with me? You, of course, who are not endowed with all the disadvantages of beauty, cannot know what I have to put up with. G· C·--Then change it all--destroy your beauty! GROSVENOR--That would be impossible. G· C·--Cut your hair, let your beard grow, get another uniform, and, in fact, make yourself a commonplace young man. GROSVENOR--Again I say that would be impossible. G· C·--Do you know that I am a bad man when I am crossed? If you do not do what I desire, perhaps I might curse you. (GROSVENOR _starts_.) Ah me. GROSVENOR--It cannot be. G· C·--Then beware--may the curse of your aunt be upon you. Ah, ha! GROSVENOR--I have no aunt. G· C·--Then may the curse of your grandmother be upon you. Ah, ha! GROSVENOR--I never had a grandmother. G· C·--I will have you expelled from our order, I will have you blackballed from every benevolent association in the land, I will lay traps to humiliate you, I will bring misery and disgrace upon your family, I will cause your financial ruin, and I will kill the girl you love. GROSVENOR--(_indifferently_) I care not. G· C·--I will have you discharged from the Chicago & Alton Railroad Company. GROSVENOR--(_Goes on his knees and shrieks_) Oh, say not so! G· C·--Ah, ha! but I do say so. GROSVENOR--Oh, be merciful as you are strong. Beat me, ruin me, kill me, but do not let me leave the Alton. G· C·--Then do as I command you; become a commonplace young man. GROSVENOR--I will, but remember that I do it on compulsion. (_Sings._) A most unique young man, Who runs the car young man, Polite to the ladies And kind to the babies, A remarkably nice young man. [Illustration: Who sells you a ticket Through a nice little wicket A thoroughly Alton man.] [Illustration: "SOME OF US PRETTY, ALL OF US WITTY."] [Illustration: "AH PATIENCE! I AM GLAD YOU ARE HERE. I AGAIN RENEW MY SUIT."] [Illustration: "CONCEIVE ME IF YOU CAN, AN EVERY-DAY YOUNG MAN."] Conceive me if you can, A C. & A. young man, Who is lavish in dress, And runs the express, A most unique young man. ⁂ A highly colored young man, A Pullman car young man, Whose name is Dalton; Who runs on the Alton, A thoro' bred black-and-tan. Conceive me if you can, A button and lace young man, Who tends to yer' daughters, Looks arter yer' quarters, A most polite young man. ⁂ A grimy, rough old man, A tough and bluff old man, Who swears like an Injun, And runs the engine, A Chicago and Alton man. Conceive me if you dare, A whizzing thro' the air, A puffing and blowing, Raining or snowing, And every time I'm there. ⁂ Another grim old man, A sooty and jolly old man, "I tends to the boiler; Sometimes I oil her," A C. & A. stoker old man. Conceive me if you can, A spruce and clean old man; It's only a fable, I know you're not able, I'm such a sooty old man. ⁂ A dainty, timid young man, A handle-your-baggage young man, Who never does smash it, And never says dash it, A typical C. & A. man. Conceive me if you can, A most polite young man, Who's always urbane, And never profane, A Y. M. C. A. young man. ⁂ A suave and bland young man, A scented and puffed young man Who sells you a ticket, Thro' a nice little wicket, A thoroughly Alton man. Conceive me if you can, A most urbane young man. Correct in my money, Sweet as new honey, A perfectly good young man. ⁂ [Illustration: I LOVE YOU AND AM YOURS FOREVER.] [Illustration: Do not let that worry you, Grand Commander.] [Illustration: "YES! CHOOSE FROM AMONG US."] [Illustration: "REMEMBER THAT THE SOUL OF YOUR AMBITION HAS BEEN REACHED WHEN YOU BECAME A CONDUCTOR ON THE CHICAGO AND ALTON R.R."] GENERAL CHORUS. We're all of us railroad men, Genial, jolly-souled men; Some of us pretty, All of us witty, Chicago & Alton men. Conceive us if you will, Jolly old bucks, but still We're always on time, And belong to the line That's right on the top of the hill. (_Exit_ GROSVENOR, _dancing_. _Enter_ PATIENCE.) G· C·--Ah, Patience, I am glad you are here. I will again renew my suit. PATIENCE--I sew no more, Grand Commander; I am a dairy maid now. G· C·--I do not mean that, fair Patience; I mean that I will again renew my request for your hand. Will you marry me? PATIENCE--Do you drink? G· C·--I do. PATIENCE--Are you a gambler? G· C·--I am. PATIENCE--Do you smoke and chew tobacco, pick your teeth with a pin, wear dirty collars, sit on saloon railings, shake dice for the drinks in basement ginshops, and borrow money from your friends? G· C·--I do. PATIENCE--Do you write scurrilous anonymous letters about your female relatives in the newspapers? Do you malign your friends, act the part of a professional witness in divorce cases, and systematically breed trouble in happy domestic circles? G· C·--I do. PATIENCE--Then I will marry you. I cannot love you, but I will marry you. G· C·--That makes no difference as long as you will marry me. (_Enter_ GROSVENOR _as a commonplace conductor on the Chicago & Alton Railroad, accompanied by_ ANGELA, SAPHIR, _and others_.) GROSVENOR--(_Sings._) Conceive me if you can, An every-day young man, A commonplace type, With a stick and a pipe, An every-day young man. PATIENCE--What is this I see, Grosvenor--Archibald with his hair cut! Oh, Archibald, is it you? Can it be that you are indeed a common person once more? GROSVENOR--It is. I am still connected with the Chicago & Alton Railroad, it is true, but I am once more a commonplace young man. PATIENCE--Then to love you would not be selfish, Archibald, I have promised to marry the Grand Commander if I live or die; but that makes no difference, I love you and am yours forever. G· C·--This is too much. Then I am jilted? PATIENCE--Do not let that worry you, Grand Commander. You will find another who will be ready to appreciate the many advantages to be derived from a marriage with a man of your attainments. (ANGELA, SAPHIR, _and other fair maidens together_.) Yes, choose from among us. (_Enter conductors--each one takes a fair one under his wing._) GROSVENOR--May you all be happy, and may you all live to learn that to be perfectly utter in your walk of life, the goal has been reached when you become a conductor on the Chicago & Alton Railroad. ALL--We know it. (QUICK CURTAIN.) [Illustration] [Illustration: FINIS] SHUMWAY, BURGESS & CO. BOLT MAKERS. BOLT HEADING AND NUT TAPPING MACHINES FOR SALE. COR. MICHIGAN AND FRANKLIN STS., CHICAGO. * * * * * VULCAN IRON WORKS, 80 to 90 N. Clinton St., Chicago. [Illustration] Steam Excavators.--RAILROAD CAR PILE DRIVERS--Steam Derricks. FITTED UP WITH SKINNER'S PATENT STEAM HAMMERS, A very effective machine,--simple, automatic and durable,--with recent improvements. CHICAGO & ALTON RAILROAD COMPANY, OFFICE OF GENERAL ROADMASTER, BLOOMINGTON, ILL., Oct. 30, 1882. W. H. WARRINGTON, ESQ., President Vulcan Iron Works.--DEAR SIR: The Skinner Pile Driver Hammer, built by your Company, has been in use on our Pile Driver Car since last April, and we are much pleased with its work. It has always given entire satisfaction, doing the work effectively and economically. Respectfully yours, W. RILEY, Gen'l Roadmaster. * * * * * THE CHICAGO VARNISH CO. Manufacturers of the Celebrated "STANDARD RAILWAY VARNISHES." Verdict of more than Thirty Roads now using them; "UNEQUALED FOR RAILWAY PURPOSES." OFFICE,--204 PINE STREET,--CHICAGO. * * * * * MEACHAM & WRIGHT, MANUFACTURERS' AGENTS FOR UTICA AND LOUISVILLE HYDRAULIC CEMENTS, AND DEALERS IN Lime, Michigan and New York Stucco and Portland Cement, 98 MARKET STREET, TELEPHONE 434. CHICAGO. * * * * * A. E. ADAMS, Prest. and Treas. L. WILKINSON, Supt. FRED. M. STEELE, Secy. CHICAGO FORGE & BOLT CO. MANUFACTURERS OF LOCOMOTIVE AND CAR AXLES, _Bridge and Dock Rods_, Equalizing Bars, Shafting & Stonework of all Kinds, Plates, Washers, Angles, Bolts and Hot Pressed Nuts of Every Description. [Illustration: OFFICE, 93 LAKE STREET, Telephone No. 5098. Under Tremont House.] CHICAGO. WORKS AT SOUTH CHICAGO. Telephone No. 9846. * * * * * JONES & LAUGLINS. MANUFACTURERS OF BAR, SHEET AND PLATE IRON, Bridge Iron, Cut Nails and Spikes, Railroad and Boat Spikes, Light T Rails, Patent Cold Rolled Shafting, Patent Cold Rolled Iron and Steel Piston Rods, Coupling Links and Pins. DEALERS IN RAILWAY SUPPLIES AND HEAVY HARDWARE. Lake and Canal Sts.,--- Chicago. * * * * * CHICAGO AND NEW YORK. The two cities above named are the great commercial centers of the United States, the former containing in the vicinity of 650,000 inhabitants, and the latter about 1,500,000. The number of people actually in Chicago at any one time would doubtless range far above these figures, as its floating or transient population is enormous, running up into figures that can hardly be credited. The traffic passing between these two cities daily is very large when one considers that they are within a fraction of 1,000 miles apart. Boston also has a large traffic with Chicago, and to give an idea of the accommodations necessary to provide for the passenger business alone between the three cities, we may state that the Michigan Central Railroad, which is the principal thoroughfare between the cities named, runs five express trains daily--three on Sundays--made up of fine new day coaches, smoking cars, drawing-room cars, palatial sleeping cars. The Michigan Central Railroad has always held a foremost place amongst the lines between Chicago and the Atlantic sea-board, and the latest addition to their accommodations in the shape of four new Dining Cars will greatly strengthen its position. These new cars are incomparable for beauty of design and selectness of adornments, all the elegancies of art having been exhausted to produce the most desirable effect. That the end has been gained, goes without saying, and they stand to-day as far in advance of other Dining Cars as the first Dining Cars were in advance of the lunch counters at wayside stations. The _cuisine_ is quite on a par with the finish of the cars, and all that may minister to the nourishment of the body, or tickle the palate of the most discriminating epicures, will be found therein. Other great features of the Michigan Central Railroad are that its through trains for New York and Boston run out of Chicago along the Michigan Lake front within a stone's throw of the city's costliest mansions, through South Park and the magic city of Pullman, affording an extensive survey of this marvel of a marvelous age, and later passing in full view of Niagara Falls. It is for this latter reason known to all travelers as "The Niagara Falls Route." * * * * * "A TEMPLE OF COMMERCE AND ART." THE NEW PREMISES OF A. S. GAGE & CO. Wabash Avenue, Corner Adams Street, CHICAGO. [Illustration: The handsomest building and most complete in all its appointments of any in America, devoted to manufacturing and wholesale purposes.] FANCY DRY GOODS, CORSETS, WHITE GOODS, HOSIERY, NOTIONS AND MILLINERY. * * * * * KNISELY & MILLER, SLATE, TIN AND IRON ROOFERS, MANUFACTURERS OF _The Hayes Patent Skylight, Conservatories, etc. Galvanized Iron Cornices, Corrugated Iron for Roofing, etc. Iron Crestings and Finials._ Special attention given to first-class work. Send for Illustrated Catalogue and Prices. 68 to 74 W. Monroe Street,--CHICAGO. [Illustration] * * * * * B. V. PAGE. S. A. BAKER. B. V. PAGE & CO. MANUFACTURERS OF Lard Oil, Neats Foot Oil and Cotton Waste DEALERS IN LUBRICATING AND BURNING OILS, FACTORY, 44 TO 54 ERIE STREET, Office, 40 Michigan Avenue, CHICAGO, ILL. * * * * * CRANE BROS. MANF'G COMPANY, MANUFACTURERS OF Standard Weight, Lap-Weld Wrought Iron Pipe, _STEAM PUMPS_, Steam and Gas Fittings, Steam and Hydraulic Freight and Passenger ELEVATORS STEAM HOISTING ENGINES FOR FURNACES, MINES, ETC. General Offices, 10 North Jefferson Street, SEND FOR CATALOGUE. CHICAGO, ILL. * * * * * OTIS IRON AND STEEL CO. CLEVELAND, OHIO. MANUFACTURERS OF Steel Boiler and Fire-Box Plate STEEL AXLES AND FORGINGS. AGENTS JOHN H. BELCHER, 44 Astor House Offices, New York. JOHN V. AYERS' SONS, Chicago. ANDREW WARREN, St. Louis. HUNTINGTON HOPKINS & CO., San Francisco. * * * * * BURKE, WALKER & CO. WHOLESALE DRY GOODS, 230, 232, 234 AND 236 ADAMS STREET, CHICAGO. * * * * * GOVERNMENT GOODS DEPOT. INGRAM, KITCHEN & WILLIAMS, Quartermaster and Ordnance Stores, GENERAL MERCHANDISE COMMISSION, 77 & 79 Madison St., CHICAGO. _Manufacturers and Dealers in_ MILITARY AND BAND UNIFORMS AND EQUIPMENTS, Knight Templars' Uniforms and Supplies, POLICE, FIREMEN AND SOCIETY CLOTHING, UNIFORM HATS AND CAPS. Tents, Camp Equipage, Awnings and Wagon Covers, MILITARY SADDLES, CARRIAGE, WAGON AND CART HARNESS. RAILROAD UNIFORMS A SPECIALTY. [Illustration] * * * * * E.S. ALEXANDER & CO. SOLE MANUFACTURERS OF ALEXANDER'S Four Ace Preserving Paint. For more than _twenty years_ this paint has been in general use by master mechanics, master car builders and chief engineers upon the principal railroads in this country, who have pronounced it _superior_ to any paint they have ever used, for the many purposes to which it has been applied, viz.: For painting _car roofs_, the _upper_ face and _outside_ of _car sills_, the _mortise_ and _tenon_ when building or repairing cars, the _outside_ of locomotive boilers before the lag is put on, the inside of _locomotive tanks_ to protect the iron from rust, the inside of _pits of tenders_ to protect the iron from the injurious effects of the coal, _trucks_, _wheels_, _bridge timbers_, _turn tables_, the _inside_ of _station water tanks_, _roofs of buildings_, _etc._, _etc._ It penetrates wood, forming a body in the same, which _no other paint does_. Is _impervious_ to _water_, and the _best preserver_ known. The foundation of this paint is _creosote_, which in its nature, is very _penetrating_ and the best known _preserver_. It is mixed ready for use, and _one gallon_ of _this paint_ will cover _twice_ the _surface_ of any other paint in use. This paint is very extensively used for painting _vessel hulls_. Books with full particulars will be sent to parties, by addressing E.S. ALEXANDER & CO., Chicago, Ills. * * * * * MARSHALL FIELD & CO. WHOLESALE. RETAIL. Madison and Market sts. State and Washington sts. CHICAGO. _Dry Goods_, _Cloaks_, _Costumes_, _Shawls_, _Furs_, _Woolens_, _Notions_, _Men's_, _Women's_, _and Children's_ _Furnishing Goods_, _Carpetings_, _Curtain Materials_, _Tapestries_, _Furniture Coverings_, _And Goods for_ "_Home Art Decorations._" * * * * * _Largest and Most Complete Lines._ * * * * * _We are Sole Agents for United States for the_ Celebrated "ALEXANDRE" Kid Gloves, THE BEST KID GLOVE MADE. _And we make a Specialty of producing private designs in_ _Carpets, Rugs & Upholstering Goods_, _To correspond with architectural features of rooms, and of_ _Furnishing Churches, Theaters, Hotels and Homes_. CHICAGO VISITORS CORDIALLY INVITED TO CALL. * * * * * THE BARAGWANATH "STEAM JACKET" FEED WATER HEATER AND PURIFIER. DELIVERS FEED WATER SEVERAL DEGREES ABOVE BOILING POINT, AND REDUCES BACK PRESSURE ON THE ENGINE. [Illustration] IT REMOVES SCALE AND INCRUSTATION FROM BOILERS, SAVES FUEL, INCREASES THE STEAMING CAPACITY OF BOILERS, AND SAVES BOILER REPAIRS. WM. BARAGWANATH, PACIFIC BOILER WORKS, _Quincy Street, near Desplaines_, _CHICAGO, ILL._ * * * * * RAILWAY ANNUALS A SPECIALITY. WESTERN BANK NOTE AND ENG. COMP'Y, CHICAGO. Bonds, Drafts, Checks, Certificates, Merchants' Stationery, Bankers' Supplies. * * * * * J. S. FORD, JOHNSON & CO. MANUFACTURERS OF CHAIRS AND SETTEES. A SPECIALTY MADE OF THE GARDNER PERFORATED SETTEES FOR PASSENGER DEPOTS. FACTORIES: Michigan City, Indiana. OFFICE AND WAREROOMS: 267 & 269 Wabash Ave., Chicago, Ill. * * * * * PALMER, FULLER & CO. Wholesale Mfrs. of SASH, DOORS, BLINDS, MOULDINGS, STAIRS, Stair Railing, Newels, Mantels, Pew Ends, etc. Estimates, Price Lists, or any information in our line, furnished on application. [Illustration] Dealers in LUMBER, LATH, SHINGLES. Dry Dressed Finishing Lumber A SPECIALTY. Office and Factory, West 22d and Union Sts. CHICAGO. * * * * * The most SIMPLE, ECONOMICAL and EFFECTIVE device of its kind in use. It cannot be detached from the box; is not liable to be broken by the rough usage box lids are subjected to; will close from the jar of the train if left open; is all made of cast iron, and requires no fitting after it leaves the foundry. [Illustration] The best endorsement of "The Hewitt Box Lid" is the large number of them now in use, and we especially refer to those Railroad Companies who have had it =longest in use=, as to its merits. Reasonable terms made for royalty per car, or for license covering the right to use on entire car equipment. THE HEWITT BOX LID COMPANY, 142 Dearborn St., CHICAGO. * * * * * N. & A. MIDDLETON & CO. (Limited). MANUFACTURERS OF RAILWAY CAR SPRINGS [Illustration] 142 DEARBORN STREET, CHICAGO, ILL. * * * * * S. D. Childs & Co. GENERAL ENGRAVERS AND STATIONERS 163 Dearborn Street, Chicago. Wedding and Invitation Cards, Calling Cards, Crests, Monograms, etc. A full line of Knights Templar Cards--Illuminated and Embossed. Latest Novelties in Society Stationery, Menu and Guest Cards always on hand. * * * * * CHICAGO MALLEABLE IRON CO. MANUFACTURERS OF REFINED MALLEABLE IRON CASTINGS TO ORDER. OFFICE AND WORKS NEAR COR. BLUE ISLAND AND WESTERN AVES. REACHED BY BLUE ISLAND AVE. CARS. CHICAGO. * * * * * CHICAGO CHAIN WORKS, Nos. 98 & 100 Indiana Street, S. G. TAYLOR, PROPRIETOR, CHICAGO. MANUFACTURER OF ALL KINDS AND SIZES OF Cable Chains, Brake Chains, and Grain Door Chains for R.R. Cars. Also Safety Chains and Switch Chains. Best Crane, Dredge and Block Chains a Specialty. * * * * * POOLE BROS. RAILROAD PRINTERS CHICAGO. * * * * * FREDERICK SCHNEIDER, MANUFACTURER AND DEALER IN Stained, Enameled, Embossed, Cut, Ground, Colored and Beveled GLASS Office, 80 & 82 Market Street, between Madison and Washington Streets, CHICAGO, ILL. * * * * * VICTOR LASSAGNE. A. DUPUIS. [Illustration] RESTAURANT FRANÇAIS, ÉLITE. FOR LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. KEPT BY LASSAGNE & DUPUIS, PRIVATE ROOMS. 77 & 79 Clark Street, CHICAGO, ILL. Opposite the Court House. North of Grand Opera House. * * * * * TO TICKET AGENTS. _IN THE PRESS._ A splendid edition of D. DALZIEL'S new Parody of IOLANTHE. _To be published on or about October 15._ Also some new works for CHRISTMAS. Advertisers will please send their favors to JAMES CHARLTON, _General Passenger and Ticket Agent_, CHICAGO AND ALTON R.R. Dearborn Street, CHICAGO. * * * * * CHERRIE & CO. RAILS AND RAILWAY FASTENINGS, PIG IRON, Lake Superior Charcoal, Pennsylvania Anthracite, MALLEABLE AND CAR WHEEL IRONS, OFFICE, 90 AND 92 DEARBORN STREET, CHICAGO. * * * * * E. J. LEHMANN. CHAS. KINSMAN. "The Fair." LEHMANN & KINSMAN. 192 & 194 State Street, CHICAGO, ILLINOIS. Importers and Wholesale Dealers in Fancy Goods, Jewelry, Watches, Clocks, Silver Plated Ware, Optical Goods, Cutlery, Musical Instruments, Stationery, Druggists' Sundries, Baskets, Bird Cages, Picture Frames, ALBUMS, DOLLS, TOYS. New Goods. Immense Assortment. THE CHEAPEST HOUSE IN THE WEST. WE GUARANTEE OUR PRICES THE VERY LOWEST. Send for Catalogue. * * * * * GEO. F. KIMBALL, IMPORTER AND DEALER IN Polished Plate, Car AND Window Glass AND GENUINE FRENCH MIRROR PLATES, 45 & 47 JACKSON STREET, Between State St. and Wabash Ave. CHICAGO. 3/16 POLISHED PLATE FOR CAR USE. * * * * * VERGHO, RUHLING & CO. PROPRIETORS OF THE Finest and Most Complete FANCY GOODS AND TOY STORE IN THE WEST. We have at all times an immense assortment of _Bicycles_, _Velocipedes_, _Express Wagons_, _Hammocks_, _Croquet_, _Lawn Tennis_, _etc._, _and the largest line of RICH FANCY GOODS IN THE WEST_. We have only new, fresh, and desirable goods. We sell same at reasonable prices, and we aim to satisfy every one. Our assortment is unsurpassed, our stock the largest and our store the finest in the country. WHOLESALE AND RETAIL. Northeast Cor. Wabash Avenue and Madison Street. CHICAGO, ILLINOIS. * * * * * D. L. WELLS, Pres't. E. MARINER, Vice Pres't, H. L. NORTON, Sec'y and Treas. F. E. WALKER, Engineer. C. F. SCOVILLE, Manager. BRIDGE AND CAR WORKS --OF THE-- WELLS & FRENCH CO. OFFICE: Hawley Building, cor. Madison and Dearborn Streets, CHICAGO, ILL. * * * * * Victor Station Settees. DESKS. For General Offices and Stations. [Illustration] THEY SAY LOW CURTAIN DESKS ARE PERFECT. [Illustration] Special Cases, Letter Press Cases, MADE TO ORDER. [Illustration] LOW PRICES! [Illustration] Racine Boats and Canoes. THE BEST IS ALWAYS THE CHEAPEST. Send for descriptive circulars and price-lists. THOMAS KANE & CO., MANUFACTURERS, Office: 137 & 139 Wabash Ave., CHICAGO. * * * * * SALISBURY & CLINE, 109 MADISON STREET, CHICAGO. WESTERN AGENTS FOR THE BOSTON BELTING COMPANY, Manufacturers of =FIRST QUALITY RAILROAD SUPPLIES=. Air Brake Hose, Suction Hose, Pure Rubber Packing, Italian Hemp Packing, Steam Hose, Round and Square Piston Packing, Valves and Gaskets, Empire Packing, Conducting Hose, Plain Packing, Soap-Stone Packing, Asbestos Packing. JENKINS PACKINGS. BOSTON BELTING CO'S SMOOTH SURFACE PATENT STRETCHED RUBBER BELT. Pure Oak Tanned Short Lap Leather Belt. Rubber Clothing and All Kinds of Rubber Goods. * * * * * HENRY I. HIGGINS. W. C. WHITTEMORE. _H. I. HIGGINS & CO._ STEEL RAILS, IRON RAILS, OLD AND NEW, Splices, Bolts, Railroad Spikes, Pratt Washers, Otis Steel, Car Wheels and Axles, Iron, Nails, etc. OFFICE, 68 WASHINGTON STREET, CHICAGO. * * * * * CHAS. D. COLSON, IMPORTER, MANUFACTURER AND DEALER --IN-- FIRE BRICKS, FURNACE TILES, LOCOMOTIVE FIRE-BOX TILES, CUPOLA LININGS, BRASS FURNACES. CONNELLSVILLE COKE. ALBANY MOULDING SAND. FOUNDRY FACINGS. PLUMBAGO CRUCIBLES. FOUNDRY RIDDLES (STEEL AND BRASS). BELLOWS. AMES' MOULDER SHOVELS. STEEL AND BRISTLE BRUSHES. SMOKE-JACKS. CULVERT PIPE. CEMENT. SOLE WESTERN AGENTS FOR CONNELLSVILLE COKE AND IRON CO. SAVAGE FIRE-BRICK CO. WEST VIRGINIA FIRE-BRICK CO. SCIOTO FIRE-BRICK CO. PHOENIX MANUFACTURING CO. CRUCIBLES. ETC., ETC. 184 and 186 Washington Street, CHICAGO, ILLS. * * * * * ED. E. AYER, DEALER IN Railroad Cross Ties, Piling, Switch and Bridge Ties, TELEGRAPH POLES, CEDAR PAVING AND FENCE POSTS, ETC. Proprietor Ayer Mills, Flagstaff, Arizona. ALL KINDS OF PINE LUMBER, SHINGLE, LATH, ETC. LUMBER SURFACED. Office, · 234 South Water Street, · CHICAGO. TELEPHONE NUMBER, 853. DOCK, NORTH PIER. TELEPHONE, NO. 3195 NORTH PIER, AND NO. 853, 234 SOUTH WATER ST. * * * * * I. E. BRABROOK, FINE Merchant Tailoring, 172 S. CLARK STREET, CHICAGO. * * * * * ORR & LOCKETT, Dealers in Hardware, Fine Cutlery and Mechanics' Tools. [Illustration] Sole agents in Chicago for the celebrated _Norton Door Check and Spring_. "Its work is almost human." Send for circular. We make a specialty of fine _Bronze Builders' Trimmings_, carrying the largest stock in the city of Builders' Hardware. Joseph Rodgers & Sons', Wostenholm's, and other leading brands of fine _Cutlery_, in great variety. ORR & LOCKETT, _Near Monroe_. _184 & 186 CLARK St., CHICAGO._ * * * * * A. B. MEEKER. W. L. BROWN. A. B. MEEKER & CO., MANUFACTURERS, IMPORTERS AND DEALERS IN PIG IRON, 93, 95 & 97 DEARBORN STREET, CHICAGO. * * * * * BURLEY & TYRRELL, 83 & 85 STATE STREET, CHICAGO. [Illustration] Fine "Art Pottery," Choice Table Wares, Brilliant Cut Glass, Unique Bronze and Polished Brass Ornaments. Artistic Lamps. ARTICLES OF HIGH STANDARD AT REASONABLE PRICES. WE INVITE YOUR INSPECTION. * * * * * CARPETS, FURNITURE, CURTAIN GOODS, Fine and Medium Grades at POPULAR PRICES, and satisfaction guaranteed to every purchaser. A large choice stock to select from. CHICAGO CARPET CO. Wabash Avenue and Monroe Street. * * * * * Ellithorpe Fire-Proof Warehouse, 46, 48, 50 & 52 N. MORGAN STREET, CHICAGO. Largest and Most Complete Warehouse in the West. STORAGE FOR ALL KINDS OF MERCHANDISE. F. T. ELLITHORPE, PROPRIETOR AND MANAGER. * * * * * THE BAKER HEATER IS UNIVERSALLY ACKNOWLEDGED TO BE THE Best Apparatus for Warming Railroad Cars. It warms the floor of the car, and the feet of each passenger. It permits thorough ventilation. The temperature can be easily regulated. It does not freeze up, and is always ready for use. It uses less fuel than any other heater. It is in use in hundreds of ordinary cars, and in nearly all the drawing-room, dining, sleeping and special cars in the country. Address, BAKER, SMITH & CO. 149 & 151 Greene Street, NEW YORK, or 81 & 83 Jackson Street, CHICAGO, ILL. * * * * * SLAYMAKER & DOUGLAS, DEALERS IN [Illustration] _Hardware_, _Stoves_, _Ranges_, _Furnaces_, _Oil Stoves_, _Refrigerators_, _Water Coolers_, _Water Filters_, _Tin Ware_, _Granite Ware_, _Wooden Ware_, _Silver Ware_, Plated Ware, Fine Brasses, Bar Goods, Bird Cages, Guns and Revolvers, Rodger's Cutlery, Wostenholm's Cutlery, TOOLS, NAILS, And House Furnishing Goods, 88 NORTH CLARK STREET, CHICAGO. * * * * * PATIENCE When possible, is, undoubtedly, a gem equal in value, in some respects, to the "pearl of great price." It helped Job through some rough experiences. But it will be scarcely available to most of the good people of this country when they come to know of the Royal Arch grandeurs awaiting their enjoyment at the charming Summer Resorts in Wisconsin, Minnesota and Iowa, where they are as thick as diamonds in Golconda all along the lines of that _Great Bonanza Railway_, whose other name is CHICAGO, MILWAUKEE & ST. PAUL, unless they can get at them "right away quick." _Then_ they cannot control their IMPATIENCE to at once view those delightful spots,-- "Where breezes baffle heat; Where shaded dells and mossy coverts be; Where giant trees to heaven raise their heads; Where earth is free, and nature unconfined Fills the soul with reverence." * * * * * _Then_ Conceive me if you can In a fairy summer land, Where weary bones find rest In loose and careless dress, A jolly, contented old man. In plain prose: Those who wish to be enlightened as to matters so imminently concerning their welfare, can be so far gratified, by applying (before the edition is exhausted) to A. V. H. Carpenter, General Passenger Agent, Milwaukee, Wis., for a copy of the beautifully illustrated book entitled "A Reconnaissance of the Golden Northwest," and for a copy of "The Tourist's Guide". * * * * * HOOSAC TUNNEL ROUTE TROY & BOSTON AND FITCHBURG RAILROADS. THE SHORT AND FAST LINE FOR BOSTON AND ALL NEW ENGLAND POINTS. DAILY =4= TRAINS BETWEEN ALBANY, TROY AND BOSTON WITHOUT CHANGE. NOTICE! The Only Line over which WAGNER'S NEW PALACE SLEEPING CARS Are run both via Albany and Troy, to and from ST. LOUIS, CHICAGO AND BOSTON WITHOUT CHANGE. TICKETS ON SALE AT ALL DEPOT AND CITY TICKET OFFICES. BE SURE AND ASK FOR TICKETS VIA TROY & BOSTON HOOSAC TUNNEL ROUTE. _D. ROBINSON_, _Pres't and Gen'l Manager Troy & Boston R.R._ _W. B. STEARNS_, _President Fitchburg R.R._ _C. E. LAMBERT, Gen'l Passenger Agent Troy & Boston R.R._ AND _East Bound Traffic Hoosac Tunnel Route_. _Office, 135 Randolph St., CHICAGO, ILL._ * * * * * The Steam Gauge and Lantern Co. 115 Lake Street, MORTIMER McROBERTS, Agent. CHICAGO, ILL. Manufacture all kinds of RAILROAD AND CONDUCTOR LANTERNS, Head Lights, Tail Lights and Bridge Lights. Owners of Patents on Numbers and Signals in Head Lights. STATION LAMPS, SWITCH LAMPS, INSPECTORS' LAMPS. EXTENSION LAMPS FOR TELEGRAPH OPERATORS' TABLES. Sole Owners of the TUBULAR LAMP and LANTERN Patents and BUFFALO STEAM GAUGES. _Correspondence with Railroads Solicited._ * * * * * THE PLUME & ATWOOD MFG. CO. 115 LAKE STREET, MORTIMER McROBERTS, Agent. CHICAGO, ILL. Manufacture SHEET BRASS AND SHEET COPPER, BRASS RODS, BRASS AND COPPER WIRE, Copper Rivets and Burs, Brass and Iron Chain, COPPER WIRE FOR TELEPHONE AND ELECTRIC LIGHT PURPOSES. BURNERS FOR ALL KINDS OF RAILROAD LAMPS. _Catalogues furnished on application._ * * * * * Ansonia Clock Company, _MANUFACTURERS_ [Illustration] Office Regulators, RAILROAD TIME KEEPERS, STREET AND TOWN CLOCKS. [Illustration] [Illustration] [Illustration] Nickel Novelties, MANTEL CLOCKS, BRONZE ORNAMENTS. [Illustration] Offices: 64 WASHINGTON STREET, CHICAGO. * * * * * Hibbard, Spencer, Bartlett & Co. [Illustration] JOBBERS OF HARDWARE, Tin Plate, Metals, Nails and Wire Fence, CUTLERY, GUNS, _Fishing Tackle and Sporting Goods_, 24, 26, 28, 30 & 32 LAKE STREET, CORNER WABASH AVE., CHICAGO, ILL. * * * * * A WORD TO THE WISE. LITHOGRAPHING OF EVERY DESCRIPTION, FOR Theatrical, Railroad _and_ Commercial Purposes. THE JONES LITHOGRAPHING COMPANY. COLORED SHOW AND RAILROAD LITHOGRAPHING A SPECIALTY. _We employ none but the very best Artists, and our work is considered the very best in the United States._ Address all Communications to PHIL G. DICK, SUPERINTENDENT, THE JONES LITHOGRAPHING COMPANY, _167, 169 & 171 Dearborn Street, CHICAGO_. * * * * * THE J. M. W. JONES Stationery and Printing Co., CORNER DEARBORN AND MONROE STREETS, CHICAGO, MANUFACTURERS OF The Stromberg Improved Coupon Ticket ----AND---- CONSECUTIVELY NUMBERED RAILROAD TICKETS. Blank Books and Railroad Blanks of every description made to order. LITHOGRAPHED DRAFTS, CHECKS, BONDS, ETC. DEALERS IN LIGHT RAILROAD SUPPLIES. Coupon and Local Ticket Cases, Dating Stamps, Rubber Stamps, Conductors' Punches, Car Seal Punches, =L=, =B C=, =2 C= and =½= Punches. BRASS BAGGAGE CHECKS, EYELETTING MACHINES, SEAL PRESSES, WAYBILL COPYING PRESSES, HAT BADGES, FOLDER BOXES, TARIFF PORTFOLIOS, AND _PASSENGER AND TICKET SUPPLIES IN GENERAL_. The J. M. W. JONES STATIONERY & PRINTING CO. 167, 169 & 171 Dearborn Street, CHICAGO. * * * * * Established 1844. Re-christened 1880. "_Advertising is to business what steam power is to commerce._"--MACAULAY. THE Jno. B. Jeffery Printing _and_ Engraving House 159 & 161 Dearborn St., Chicago. Formerly known as the CHICAGO + EVENING + JOURNAL. _Standing firmly upon an established reputation, it will continue to serve its patrons with the same zeal, fidelity and ability that have always characterized its transactions and have placed it_ FOREMOST AMONG THE GREAT RAILROAD, COMMERCIAL AND SHOW PRINTING ESTABLISHMENTS OF THE WORLD. _Address all communications to_ _John B. Jeffery_, Sole Proprietor and Manager. * * * * * TOOTLE'S OPERA HOUSE, ST. JOSEPH, MO. The reputation this theater has made for itself, and the fact that it is known as the pioneer Opera House in the West, render it unnecessary to offer any extended description. While theaters have been erected, calculated to surpass in beauty and costliness Tootle's Opera House, few, to-day, can legitimately claim equality, and none can surpass it in all that pertains to the arrangement of a first-class place of amusement. The stage is 40 × 67, with an opening 34 × 35, and is furnished with a full complement of scenery. Recently the house has been thoroughly renovated, repainted inside and outside, and re-carpeted; a new drop curtain hung, and the apparatus for lighting the gas by electricity placed in the building; a new steam heating apparatus and the water works connection are also among the improvements; capacity 1,500. Tootle's Opera House is located in the very center of a city of 45,000 inhabitants. GRAND OPERA HOUSE, TOPEKA, KAS. Formerly known as _The Topeka Opera House_, but, to avoid a conflict of titles, name changed to that of GRAND OPERA HOUSE. The house was built by a stock company; 300 residents financially interested; cost $60,000; capacity 1,500; stage is 60 × 67 feet; the proscenium opening is 35 × 38 feet; eight large dressing rooms; full complement of scenery; only ground floor Opera House in the city; can be emptied in _one minute and a half_; absolute safety guaranteed to the patrons of the Grand; Topeka is the capital of the State, and the principal city, commercially and politically; constantly thronged with strangers; resident population about 27,000. Messrs. Wood & Updegraff are the local managers, but all communications should be addressed to Mr. Craig, at St. Joseph, Mo. THE GILLIS OPERA HOUSE, KANSAS CITY, MO. This elegant theater, rapidly approaching completion, is being erected under the provisions of a will which requires _that the net earnings of the house shall be applied to the maintenance of a permanent home for destitute children_, and will be opened early in September, 1883. When completed, the Gillis Opera House will have cost $100,000. It is centrally located, being within four blocks of twelve hotels. Nearly every street-car line in the city passes its doors, either on Fifth or Walnut streets. It is therefore evident that the Gillis has a decided advantage of location for the resident as well as the transient population. All appointments of auditorium first-class; means of exit ample--three entrances on ground floor, and two spacious staircases, each 20 ft. wide. The stage of the Gillis is one of the largest in the country, 42 × 124 ft.; height of scenery 28 ft.; height above scenery 32 ft.; proscenium opening 37 × 46 ft.; seventeen dressing rooms, green room, reception room and music room. _First-class_ attractions can safely book a week at the Gillis, and none other need apply; 109 nights already booked. Population upwards of 100,000. SPECIAL NOTICE. SPIES & SMART, 12 Union Square, N.Y., are my accredited agents, and at all times the open time at the Gillis, Tootle's, and the Grand can be found on file at their office. I shall be there until June 20. CORYDON F. CRAIG. RAILROAD CONNECTIONS. The average distance between these three cities is only 69 miles. Omaha, Denver and St. Louis are the other principal cities in this section. For rates address: A. C. DAWES, St. Joseph, Mo. W. F. WHITE, Topeka, Kas. Send Printing to JOHN MULVIHILL, BILL POSTER, Kansas City and St. Joseph. CORYDON F. CRAIG, Business Manager, ST. JOSEPH, MO. * * * * * NATHAN & DREYFUS. 92 & 94 Liberty St., -- NEW YORK. SOLE AGENTS, Patentees and Manufacturers of Friedmann's Patent Injectors and Ejectors, Patent Locomotive Oil Cups and Lubricators, Watkey's Patent Valve Seats, and other Railway Specialties. [Illustration: The "MONITOR" Locomotive Injector.] The "MONITOR" is a new Locomotive Injector of widest range, with great steadiness of action. * * * * * CAST STEEL WORKS OF FRIED. KRUPP, ESSEN, GERMANY. American Office, 15 Gold St., New York. REPRESENTED } -- THOMAS PROSSER & SON. BY } LOCOMOTIVE TIRES, CRANK PINS, SPRING STEEL, ETC. STEEL FORGINGS UP TO FIFTY TONS. * * * * * G. A. MARSH. A. E. BINGHAM. W. B. RANSOM. MARSH, BINGHAM & RANSOM, MANUFACTURERS OF Railway and Car Materials, Bridge and other Timber, PLANK, PILES, TIES, TELEGRAPH POLES AND CEDAR POSTS ALSO COMMISSION MERCHANTS, _OFFICE, 252 SOUTH WATER ST._, CHICAGO. MILL AND YARD, TELEPHONE NOS. { OFFICE 871. FOOT OF ILLINOIS ST. { MILL 3190. * * * * * A. H. ANDREWS & CO. 195 and 197 Wabash Avenue, CHICAGO, ILL., MANUFACTURERS OF BANK COUNTERS, OFFICE DESKS, TABLES AND CHAIRS. [Illustration: No. 43. Curtain Desk, open.] WOOD MANTELS, FOLDING BEDS, (BURR PAT.) SEATING OF CHURCHES AND PUBLIC BUILDINGS. [Illustration] School Desks and School Merchandise. Largest Manufacturers in the World of _School Desks and Apparatus_, the celebrated dovetail "_Triumph_" desk. Centennial and Paris first awards. Also sixty kinds of Globes; fifty kinds of Blackboards; patent Dustless Erasers, Kindergarten Materials, Maps, Charts, etc. [Illustration] ANDREWS' OPERA CHAIRS, For Opera Houses, Churches and Halls. Noiseless Folding Seat and Tilting Back, Hat, Foot, Umbrella and Cane Rest. Twenty Styles, and of the latest improvements. [Illustration: Bed Open.] The Andrews' Parlor Folding Beds Are the only Perfect Bed of the kind in existence. All the bedding folds out of sight; occupies twenty-two inches space. Price $25 up. Thirty styles. Address for Catalogues, etc. as above. [Illustration: Bed Closed.] * * * * * S. H. & E. Y. MOORE, 163 & 165 LAKE ST., CHICAGO. HEAVY HARDWARE AND RAILWAY SUPPLIES, ANTI-FRICTION BAGGAGE AND FREIGHT CAR DOOR HANGERS. NUTS, BOLTS, SCREWS, TRUCKS, BLOCKS, SPRINGS, ETC. * * * * * CHICAGO RUBBER WORKS, MANUFACTURERS OF RUBBER GOODS FOR MECHANICAL PURPOSES. [Illustration: _Ecce Signum!_] Rubber Belting, Hydrant Hose, Tanners' Hose, Brewers' Hose, Air Brake Hose, High Pressure Hose, Steam Hose, Fire Engine Hose, Wagon Springs, Packing, Wringer Rolls, Billiard Cushions, Pump Buckets, Etc. Also Mould Goods of all Descriptions. Office, 179 Randolph St., CHICAGO. Factory, Grand Ave. and Rockwell St. Correspondence Solicited. * * * * * [Illustration: CAMPING] [Illustration: BOATING] [Illustration: TENTS] FOR ANY AND ALL USES. Dealers in FISH NETS, SEINES AND TWINES, AND ALL FISHING MATERIALS, GEO. B. CARPENTER & CO. (Successors to GILBERT HUBBARD & CO.) 202 to 208 South Water St., CHICAGO. _Send for Circulars, mentioning The Courier-Journal._ * * * * * JOHN T. WILSON, Chairman. JOHN WALKER, Sec'y and Treas. WILSON, WALKER & CO. (LIMITED), UNION FORGE AND IRON MILLS, PITTSBURGH, PA. MANUFACTURERS OF ALL KINDS OF RAILROAD FORGINGS, INCLUDING DRIVING AND CAR AXLES of Iron or Steel, LOCOMOTIVE FRAMES, ROCK SHAFTS, DRAW BARS, COUPLING LINKS AND PINS, ARCH BARS, FOLLOWERS, Etc., Etc. ALSO, ALL SIZES OF MERCHANT BAR IRON, UNIVERSAL MILL PLATES, ETC., ETC. * * * * * EDGAR HOLMES, _GENERAL BROKER_ GRANNIS BUILDING, 115 DEARBORN STREET, _CHICAGO_. Real Estate and Loans. * * * * * THE LARGEST AND MOST COMPLETE JOB AND BOOK PRINTING HOUSE IN AMERICA. RAND, McNALLY & CO. 148-154 Monroe Street, CHICAGO, ILL. FINE COLOR PRINTING. ENGRAVERS, ELECTROTYPERS, PRINTERS, LITHOGRAPHERS, BOOK BINDERS. MAP ENGRAVERS AND PUBLISHERS. RAND-McNALLY'S INDEXED ATLAS OF THE WORLD. Rand-McNally's Encyclopædia of Agriculture. RAND, McNALLY & CO'S BANKERS' DIRECTORY. * * * * * A GRAND ADVERTISING MEDIUM. Speaking to an interested Audience Every Night. THE OFFICIAL HOUSE PROGRAMME OF THE GRAND OPERA HOUSE, CHICAGO. An excellent medium for Railroad and General Advertising Address, GEO. S. UTTER, Publisher, 113 Randolph St., Room 16, CHICAGO. A FIRST-CLASS JOB OFFICE ALSO CONNECTED WITH THE ESTABLISHMENT. * * * * * [Illustration] THE ROCKFORD RAILROAD WATCH, Is especially recommended for Railroad Men, Physicians, Miners, Lumbermen, Expressmen, Travelers, and others whose work demands a close timer in hard service. Factory, 498 Main St. ROCKFORD, ILL. BIDDEFORD, MAINE, February 3, 1883. ROCKFORD WATCH CO., Rockford, Ill. GENTS: We have a little story to tell in regard to the running of one of your adjusted movements on the Boston and Maine R.R. We sold it and regulated it a short time before the engineer put it in his pocket, the 9th of last April, and ran it upon Cambridge time for ten months, and the total variation was only 24 seconds, and then he neglected to wind it up. Variation was less than 3 seconds when it ran down. He ran from Dover to Portland, 105 miles a day. Yours truly, TWAMBLEY & CLEAVES. The movement referred to in this letter is still carried daily by its owner, Geo. W. Smith, on the engine Dover. [Illustration: The man who did buy a Rockford watch. (On board.)] [Illustration: The man who did not buy a Rockford watch. (He got left.)] * * * * * F. M. ATKINSON, President. C. H. FERRY, Treasurer. Works: MELROSE, ILLINOIS. [Illustration: CHICAGO TYRE & SPRING WORKS · WASHINGTON ST · CHICAGO OFFICE 94] Sole Manufacturers in the West of CAST STEEL CAR SPRINGS AND Locomotive and Car Wheel Tyres. We manufacture Springs for Passenger, Freight, Baggage and Express Cars of every description, and Locomotive and Tender Springs to specification. We use only the BEST OBTAINABLE CAST STEEL, of uniform quality, thoroughly =TEST= every Spring before shipment, and fully =GUARANTEE= the same for the purpose intended. Capacity twenty-five tons daily. We roll tyres, both crucible and Siemen's Martin, from blooms especially made for us in England. They are rolled true to specification, and we give the most satisfactory assurances as to wear and mileage. Present capacity, twenty Locomotive Tyres daily. We fill all orders promptly. Chicago Office, 94 Washington St. * * * * * CALVIN WELLS, President and Treasurer. JAS K. VERNER, Secretary. Pittsburgh Forge and Iron Co., Office, Tenth St. near Penn Ave., PITTSBURGH, PA. MANUFACTURERS OF HAMMERED CAR AND LOCOMOTIVE AXLES. WE MAKE A SPECIALTY OF _Our well-known brand of Railway Axles marked "Special" from new iron, guaranteed to be purely fibrous, and to stand the regulation drop test of the Penna. R.R. Company._ ALSO BAR IRON AND BOLTS, CHANNEL AND ANGLE IRON, BRIDGE BOLTS, plain and upset ends, all sizes, TRACK BOLTS, SQUARE and HEXAGON HEAD BOLTS, RIVETS, WASHERS, SPLICE BARS, Etc. * * * * * RAILWAY PASSENGER AGENT AND SUPPLY DIRECTORY, A Weekly Journal Devoted to Railways, Railway Supplies and the Transportation Interests. PUBLISHED EVERY WEDNESDAY. _Terms, $4 per annum, in advance; six months, $2. Single copy, ten cents._ _Correspondence on all topics of interest, notices of official changes, and other items of news bearing on the passenger service, respectfully solicited._ _Advertising rates made known on application._ _All business letters and communications should be addressed to the_ RAILWAY PASSENGER AGENT, No. 243 State St., CHICAGO. * * * * * THE CHICAGO & ATLANTIC RAILWAY OFFERS TO YOU THE MOST COMFORTABLE ROUTE WHEN GOING EAST. The TRAINS are Elegant, all new, and were built by the PULLMAN PALACE CAR COMPANY. Go and see them at SOUTH SIDE UNION DEPOT, cor. Polk St. and Fourth Ave. CITY TICKET OFFICE, _119 Washington Street_, CHICAGO. S. W. SNOW, GENERAL PASSENGER AGENT. * * * * * The Chicago and Grand Trunk Railway, IN CONNECTION WITH THE GRAND TRUNK RAILWAY, Again takes great pleasure in announcing to the public its new arrangements of accommodations, facilities, fast time, comfort and pleasure for reaching the seaboard cities. Commencing Monday, June 25, a Fast Limited Express will be placed on this line, running between Chicago and New York and Boston, leaving Chicago daily at 3.30 P.M., arriving in New York at 9 o'clock P.M. next day, and Boston the second morning. Pullman Cars will be run through without change between Chicago and New York, and Chicago and Boston; also Dining Cars will be run on this train, thus affording passengers the pleasure of "Dining on the Rail," at the customary charge of 75 cents. In addition to the above the Atlantic Express will leave Chicago at 8.30 P.M., having through Pullman Cars to Detroit, Saginaw Valley, New York and Montreal without change. Passengers going east on an excursion or business trip can find no better, quicker or more picturesque route than this for pleasure, taking in as it does the famous Niagara Falls, River St. Lawrence, Lachine Rapids, Thousand Islands, Victoria Bridge, and the Mountain Scenery and Pleasure Resorts of the New England States,--the GRAND TRUNK, running as it does at the base of Mount Washington. Ask your nearest Ticket Agents for Advertising matter of this route, "The Niagara Falls Air Line." GEO. B. REEVE, _Traffic Manager_. S. R. CALLAWAY, _General Manager_. JAS. STEPHENSON, _Gen'l Pass. Agent Grand Trunk Railway_. * * * * * 3 GREAT CITIES OF THE WEST: [Illustration] LINKED TOGETHER ----BY THE---- CHICAGO & ALTON R.R. NO CHANGE OF CARS OF ANY CLASS ----BETWEEN---- CHICAGO ----AND---- KANSAS CITY. CHICAGO ----AND---- ST. LOUIS. ST. LOUIS ----AND---- KANSAS CITY. Union Depots in Chicago, East St. Louis, St. Louis and Kansas City. NO OTHER LINE --RUNS-- PALACE DINING CARS Between CHICAGO and KANSAS CITY, CHICAGO and ST. LOUIS, and ST. LOUIS and KANSAS CITY. Meals equal to those served in any first-class hotel, only 75 cents. The only Line running a sufficient number of Elegant and Comfortable PALACE RECLINING CHAIR CARS Free of Extra Charge, in all its Through Trains, Day and Night, Without Change, to accommodate all its patrons. PULLMAN PALACE SLEEPING CARS The Finest, Best and Safest in use anywhere. The BEST and QUICKEST ROUTE from CHICAGO to and from MEMPHIS, MOBILE, NEW ORLEANS and All Points South via St. Louis. THE SHORT LINE TO AND FROM MISSOURI, ARKANSAS, TEXAS, KANSAS, COLORADO, NEW MEXICO, MEXICO, ARIZONA, NEBRASKA, CALIFORNIA, OREGON, WASHINGTON TERRITORY, Etc. THE GREAT EXCURSION ROUTE BETWEEN THE NORTH AND SOUTH --AND TO AND FROM-- KANSAS LANDS, AND COLORADO, NEW MEXICO AND CALIFORNIA HEALTH AND PLEASURE RESORTS AND THE MINING DISTRICTS OF THE GREAT WEST. For Tickets and Information Apply at Any Coupon Ticket Office in the United States and Canada, Or to =James Charlton=, General Passenger and Ticket Agent, 210 Dearborn Street, Near Corner Adams Street, Chicago. _J. C. Mcmullin_, Vice-president, Chicago. _C. H. Chappell_, General Manager, Chicago. * * * * * [Illustration: HOHOKUS, ERIE RAILWAY.] The scenery along the entire line of the NEW YORK, LAKE ERIE AND WESTERN R.R. (formerly Erie Railway) has a world-wide reputation for beauty. The line itself possesses unequaled facilities for transit of through passengers over its steel rail double track, in Pullman Hotel, Sleeping and Drawing-room Coaches, equipped with Miller Platform Buffer and Westinghouse Automatic Air Brake. It is a booming route for New York and other eastern cities. Try it. JNO. N. ABBOTT, _General Passenger Agent, New York_. W. H. HURLBURT, _Gen'l Western Passenger Agent, Chicago_. * * * * * [Illustration: NO CHANGE OF CARS OF ANY CLASS { CHICAGO AND KANSAS CITY. AND { CHICAGO AND ST. LOUIS. Two Trains a Day Each Way between { ST. LOUIS AND KANSAS CITY.] CHICAGO & ALTON R.R. THE PIONEER PALACE RECLINING CHAIR CAR ROUTE THE PIONEER PALACE DINING CAR ROUTE. The Pioneer Pullman Sleeping Car Route. TWO TRAINS DAILY, SUNDAYS INCLUDED, Between CHICAGO and KANSAS CITY, and between ST. LOUIS and KANSAS CITY. NIGHT EXPRESS DAILY, SUNDAYS INCLUDED. ☞DAY EXPRESS DAILY, Sundays excepted, between CHICAGO and ST. LOUIS. * * * * * THE REMINGTON "STANDARD". (E. REMINGTON & SONS, MANUFACTURERS) ILION, N.Y. TYPE WRITER. Highest Award AMERICAN INSTITUTE. [Illustration] Highest Award ATLANTA EXPOSITION. 20,000 IN USE By the leading Railroad Companies, Business Houses and Professional Men. GOLD MEDAL PARIS EXPOSITION. PERFECT WRITING MACHINE. The Most Popular of Labor-Saving Instruments. Writes three times as fast as best penman. Can be used at sight. Every Machine Warranted. If Not Satisfactory, Money Refunded. Simple and durable in construction, is quickly understood, and becomes an unfailing assistant. Its work is legible and beautiful, and is produced with great rapidity, and without the fatigue consequent upon the use of the pen. Send for Illustrated Descriptive Pamphlet containing full information. WYCKOFF, SEAMANS & BENEDICT, Sole Agents. PRINCIPAL OFFICE IN THE WEST: H. H. UNZ, Western Manager, 38 E. Madison St., Chicago. Transcriber's Notes: Silently corrected simple spelling, grammar, and typographical errors. Retained anachronistic and non-standard spellings as printed. Enclosed italics markup in _underscores_. Enclosed bold markup in =equals=. End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of A Parody on Patience, by D. Dalziel and H. W. McVicar *** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK 48723 ***

12,657 words • 210h 57m read

— End of A Parody on Patience —

Book Information

Title
A Parody on Patience
Author(s)
Dalziel, D. (Davison)
Language
English
Type
Text
Release Date
April 17, 2015
Word Count
12,657 words
Library of Congress Classification
PS
Bookshelves
Opera, Browsing: Humour, Browsing: Literature, Browsing: Performing Arts/Film
Rights
Public domain in the USA.

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Dalziel, D. (Davison)

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